


It is like Oatmeal.......

by Dancezwithwolvez



Category: Brooklyn Nine-Nine (TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Gay Relationship, Dont copy to another site, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Homophobia, M/M, Past Abuse, Secret Relationship
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-28
Updated: 2019-06-28
Packaged: 2020-05-28 07:46:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 28,530
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19389655
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dancezwithwolvez/pseuds/Dancezwithwolvez
Summary: Pre-B99 days of Raymond Holt and Kevin Cozner





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [evepolastri](https://archiveofourown.org/users/evepolastri/gifts).



> Thank you @b99fandomevents for the amazing, amazing challenge. 
> 
> Thank you @ydididodis for the prompts. 
> 
> I have been fortunate enough to get tremendous amount of help from @mystery_deer, @amyandjake4ever and @secretsofluftnarp. I can't impress enough how much help you have given me guys!! 
> 
> Last but not the least, @mottlemoth for all the wonderful writing advice you have given me.

January 1985: 

“Oh my god Kevin!! Are you alright? I heard some strange voice—" to say Elena was shell shocked would be the understatement of the century. 

Kevin had been working in the New Yorker for the past 6 months and had built up a reputation for being a no nonsense guy. So when Elena came across the sight of Kevin Cozner giggling like a teenage girl, she was sure she had never seen anything like this before in the six months she had been working with him. She didn’t even know whether it was good or bad. Maybe good.

“Thank you Sergeant for your time. I greatly enjoyed our conversation. Have a good day. ” said Kevin replacing the receiver with another bout of laughter. 

He masked his laughter with a frown and turned to look at the intruder. 

“Elena you must close your mouth. It is not very hygienic to keep your mouth open. There are a lot of microorganisms that can get into your mouth and—“

“You can laugh?!”  
“What? Pardon me. But did you just say that I can laugh? I am a human being too, capable of feeling the same emotions as you. How dare you-"

"Save your monologue for someone else, Shakespeare." Kevin scowled at her for interrupting him in the middle of his speech without proper etiquette and also for being compared to the Bard of all people. 

Elena noticed that the lightness in his voice was being replaced with a more familiar sounding confrontational tone. She was relieved. Kevin was maybe not being replaced by the aliens. But what was it that she saw 2 minutes back?

“I was merely shocked that robots could laugh. Well before I head out to the Science and Technology department to report the new development can I at least know what that was all about?” 

“Umm- I don’t think it is any of your business. Now if you are done calling me an automated human I would like to get back to my work.”

Before Elena could even say anything, he buried himself in his work. 

Well that was one aspect the aliens didn’t change.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> KEVIN HAS A DATE, GUYS!!!!!!

Kevin returned to his house after a long tiresome day. But there was a spring in his step. The reason for which was a policeman 20 miles away with a killer sense of humor. 

Kevin had never laughed this much, this loud in his 25 years of life. Expressing yourself in any kind of way was frowned upon in the Cozner household. And Kevin didn't want another reason for his parents to look down upon him.  
And when the society labels your community as being flamboyant, you don't necessarily go around gallivanting with emotions.

But today, Kevin was a lost cause. All his inhibitions lowered when he listened to the deep, rich baritone of the intelligent man on the other end. So when Raymond Holt had intelligently made a word play there was very little left to control him from bursting out laughing.

They had talked for about 32 minutes. And Raymond Holt had Kevin Cozner enraptured for all 32 of them. It had started out with a case about a stolen barrel and had ended up procuring a date for Kevin this weekend. 

Kevin was both apprehensive and excited for this date. He had had his fair share of one night stands and shitty relationships in his experimental youth. Now he wanted a proper relationship. Someone to whom he could rant about his bad days without a shred of concern of being judged. Someone whom he could fall asleep on while watching movie. Someone who adored Kevin for all his quirks. Someone he could love and be loved by in return. 

Something about this man intrigued Kevin to an entirely different level. He was intelligent and humorous that he knew for a fact. But he also seemed like a kind, polite and helpful person.  
If one would ask Kevin how can you ascertain that from a 32 minute conversation he would probably glare at you. But don't mistake that glare for animosity towards you, that glare meant even Kevin didn't know and he hated not knowing.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kevin and his thoughts about the date....

The D Day had come. 

The day Kevin had decided to go on a date with the police officer. They had exactly one conversation over the phone deciding where they should go and it had ended a bit uncomfortably to say the least, as both of them didn't know what to say. They were stuck in a loop saying, "I am good. And you?" for 2 minutes before they realised it. Then they had an awkward laugh which was over in 12 seconds.   
The moments following the 12 seconds were heart wrenchingly quiet. The silence was uncomfortable and frankly irritating. Kevin hung up abruptly after confirming the name of the restaurant and was hyperventilating and spiraling alternatively. 

This was exactly what Kevin was dreading. He feared the date had ended before it even started. He wanted it to go perfectly but this was far from it.

He had never craved a faceless entity with a rich baritone before. Kevin just had Raymond's voice with him in his mind and that itself caused his heart to hop, skip and jump several beats. 

Kevin always had 6 hours of undisturbed sleep except when the neighbour found himself another prostitute, and then Kevin was entertained to painful grunts and pants. But yesterday nobody was clacking their heels on the steps, nobody grunted as they reached their peak and yet he lay wide awake. The reason for his sleeplessness was a man 20  
miles away, blissfully unaware of the effect he had on the poor journalist. 

Kevin couldn't understand why he was affected so much by a police officer. He had been on many first dates now. Surely today was also going to be the same. Why should it be any different ? Yet he couldn't shake the feeling that the man he was going to meet was going to be special. 

Elena, Kevin's cubicle mate was an amiable person. She had a high threshold for tolerating other people's shit but right now the squeaky chair and clicking of a pen were getting on her nerves.

"Can you stop it? It is very irritating." The squeaking and the clicking still continued. She turned around to face her noisy colleague who seemed out of sorts today. 

Oh, how she longed for the silence that used to be abundantly present in their cubicle. Kevin Cozner had managed to make Elena crave for silence. What had the world come to!!!

Externally, he was looking all fine and dandy but internally he was a mess. 

Elena considered herself to be an expert on the matters of the mind and heart.

She gently called out, "Kevin?"

When he still didn't reply she yanked the pen out of his hands making the aggravator stop and scowl at her. 

Oh the silence!!!

"What do you mean by that Gomez? Now apologise and give me back my pen."

"I am not apologizing for anything sweetheart. Now tell mama why you are a mess."

He was taken aback by the insinuation for a moment but managed to reign in his emotions before hissing, "I am not a mess. NOW. GIVE. ME. BACK. MY. PEN."

" Yeah you are. I am not giving this until you tell me the whole deal. Now spill, pussycat."

"I assure you it is none of your business, Gomez. Now give it to me", Kevin said, trying to wrench the pen out of her death grip. He towered her by almost a foot but he was no match to the stubborn physical strength she was exihibiting. 

"It is my business. My buddy is not well in there", she said pointing to his head. "I need to help him. Come on Kevin. We know each other for the past six months. Surely that means something to you because it means a WHOLE lot to me. "

Kevin could see that she was emotionally manipulating him. But he gave in to her "requests" because he knew he was not going to get any work done with his present state and hus irritatingly persistent cubicle partner . Might as well discuss my love life with a complete stranger, he thought. 

\-----------------  
Thirty minutes later, Kevin was blushing a deep red and Elena's grin was threatening to spill out of her face. And Kevin was starting to regret his decision

"Aww you poor baby. Look at you being all nervous. You are going to be fantastic Kevin! I know it. Just be your normal icy self and he will fall head over heels in love with you. Hell, I was impressed with you on the first day. Now show me what you are going to wear to this date."

To say, Kevin was at peace would be over-exaggerating Ms. Gomez skills as a self proclaimed therapist. But he was feeling a bit lighter. Maybe he was just overthinking. Maybe it would just go well this evening. 


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The date doesn't go exactly as planned.

Raymond Holt, a sergeant at the 88th precinct was feeling very nervous this morning and for good reason. He was going out on a date after 3 years, 2 months and 27 days. 

His last relationship had been with Friedrich, a gynaecologist. The breakup was in no way amicable. He never realised that saying certain words could cause such physical pain. But "Friedrich, we must part our ways. I no longer wish to be involved with you " had caused him tremendous amount of pain, a pain that was incomparable to the gunshot wound he had received investigating a case. 

He had never been the kind of person to believe the phrase 'Love is blind'. How can it be blind if both participants were having perfect 20/20 vision? And yet, he had turned a blind eye to Friedrich's affairs, blaming himself for not giving the relationship time. He tried to reassure himself saying that the only reason Friedrich strayed was he didn't get enough time to spend time with him. So Raymond tried hard, very very hard to make it work this time, until there came a third time.

The third time he caught him kissing his assistant was the time he had had enough. Friedrich didn't even show the slightest bit of remorse or care when Raymond said he wanted to end things. The relationship of two years had come crumbling down to a standstill and yet Friedrich held his assistant's hand tightly as Raymond stormed off.

Raymond mourned the loss for two days and two nights. The second night brought in a new day and that is when he vowed to become the best in his field. He was going to fight the system that mocked him for being who he was, he was going to fight people who mocked his feelings. He was going to fight. Each day harder than the previous day until the day he would become the Commissioner of New York City. 

And that is why, for 3 years 2 months and 27 days he had been single. He didn't want to waste time in relationships, he haf told himself. But the truth was he was scared of getting hurt again. 

Nobody had laughed at his jokes until that day, a soft yet firm voice of a New Yorker journalist guffawed with laughter. His laugh was light, contagious and addictive. He wanted to keep hearing it. So, he continued making jokes. 

Kevin, which meant a kind, gentle and handsome soul, had approached him with details regarding a stolen barrel of the 17th century. The details had been dispensed in the first 14 minutes. The next 16 minutes had been spent trying to impress the journalist until he could no longer contain himself and had to ask him out. 

He was an openly gay policeman. Everybody knew that. He had hoped Kevin had done his research on him before contacting, otherwise that was going to be one odd and awkward question to sidestep. The question was out in the open and he hoped fervently that Kevin would be gay. 

Kevin had waited for just 10 seconds before saying yes, rather emphatically. The rather enthusiastic answer comforted Raymond because he knew two things for certain. One, Kevin was gay and he realised this was a date and two, he was feeling the same thing as Raymond felt for him. 

But still, seated in the restaurant he couldn't shake the feeling that he might have made a mistake of asking a person out. He didn't know what had changed in the 3 years he hadn't dated. How was he going to proceed when the night was over? Should he kiss the man or not? Should he invite him back to his place or not? With all his questions in his mind, he didn't notice the man with the maroon pullover approaching him.

As the man neared him, Raymond suddenly realised his surroundings and looked at him. As he approached the table he asked Raymond, " Are you Police Sergeant Raymond Holt? " 

Raymond loved the way "Raymond" rolled out of his mouth. His name was treated gently with care. He liked it very much that Kevin had used his police title to ask him the question. Friedrich was never fond of Raymond being a police officer.

He stood up to greet the man. " Yes, I am. And I believe you are Mr. Kevin Cozner?"

A small faint smile graced its presence on Kevin's face.  
Raymond observed that he had a good firm handshake. Up, down and settle.

When they both settled down, Raymond let himself admire the man in front of him.  
Kevin was a beautiful man, he observed. His eyes were a sort of blue that could only be seen in clear, undisturbed waters of the ocean. He had worn a maroon pullover knowingly or unknowingly bringing out the blue in his eyes. He had a lean figure and held himself in such a way that it made him look taller than he was. Raymond was instantly attracted to the man but he scolded himself to not let the looks fool him for the second time in a row. "Do not judge a book by its cover, Raymond, you fool." 

'Was that a blush appearing on Kevin's face? Oh my god, Raymond, you are staring at a man and embarassing him. Stop staring. And stop talking to yourself.' Despite all this internal monologue and chides he couldn't take his eyes of Kevin. He truly was beautiful. 

Kevin cleared his throat and Raymond's vision cleared. "So shall we place our order first, then talk?"

"Please feel free to do anything you please", said a slightly embarassed Raymond.  
Their hands accidently brushed when Raymond intended to pass the menu. This act stilled their movement and they gazed into each other's eyes for a while, until it was broken by a shrill cry from a lady seated next to their table. 

"Oh my god", she cried, "this place has been taken over by the faggots." 

Kevin was the first person to come onto the ground from the high skies he had been floating in, mesmerized by Raymond's rugged looks. By the time he understood what was happening, Raymond had joined him on the ground too. 

The woman's shrill cries had drawn everybody's attention towards them. Harsh whispers went around the room and what once had been a beautiful moment was steadily being replaced by a hostile one. Raymond watched with disbelief as the manager came quickly to their nearby table's aid and not theirs. He talked in hushed tones with the husband and the manager had reached a decision and Raymond knew it was not a good one. He looked at Kevin to get some courage but to no avail. His face was blank. The only signs that he was uncomfortable as Raymond was the beads of sweat on his forehead and the slightly widened eyes. 

If Raymond would have taken Kevin's hand he would have realised that Kevin's pulse was steadily increasing with each passing moment. 

Before he could say anything to Kevin, the manager turned towards their table. He looked at Kevin and his posture had straightened up considerably in the past 2 minutes and was visibly shaking. Raymond just wanted to hold his hand and say it would be okay but he knew that would not be appreciated. 

Raymond braced himself for the worst and stood up forcefully, unsettling the table a bit. The manager shook a bit at this gesture and turned towards Kevin to address him even though Raymond was standing right in front of him. But before he could do that, Raymond cleared his voice loudly and with his chin held high he said, "Manager, I believe we have been caused distress by this woman", pointing at that table. "I am willing to forgive the incident since it was not the hotel's fault. If you could just relocate us somewhere peaceful and let us continue our dinner it would be greatly appreciated."

The manager snorted derisively at the audacity of Raymond, who for the manager was a black, homosexual man. But he had to pretend to be civil so he said politely, " I am afraid that will not be possible sir. Since you are the ones to have caused a scene, I would kindly ask you to leave the premises immediately with your companion." He spat out the word companion in such a way that Raymond was taken aback for a moment with the amount of venom the word contained. But he willed himself to focus and replied calmly, " What do you mean by that. We were having a quiet dinner. She was the one who caused a scene. Why are we told to go out?" 

While Raymond was fighting with the manager, Kevin noticed that the temperature around had risen significantly. He was sweating profusely. He tried adjusting his sweater but his hands wouldn't move. He tried calling out Raymond to get out of the place but no voice would come. When he looked up he noticed all the people were coming towards him, he tried telling them that it was hot and to move away from him but not a sound would pass. His chest started to hurt and he realised he couldn't breathe. Now, the people were being replaced by black circles and then his lungs gave out. 

"Please do not raise your voice-", Raymond had been shouting at the manager for the last 3 minutes when he heard a soft thud. He turned to look at the source of sound and saw Kevin slumped against the table. 

Raymond immediately ceased the argument and kneeled down to check for Kevin's pulse. He was relieved when he felt it. Kevin's lanky form had doubled over himself and it was becoming difficult for Raymond to straighten him out. When he finally did, he splashed some water on Kevin's face. Kevin's features twisted and he finally came to consciousness. His face was writ with confusion. He accepted the glass of water and drank it silently but he didn't realise why he was being offered in the first place. Raymond was shaken by the amount of vulnerability and fragility on Kevin's face that he had to get rid of it immediately. He grasped Kevin's hand and dragged him with such a force that he feared he might have injured him. 

He heard a snort of derision and the comment "Good riddance" from somewhere behind but he couldn't care less. He had to be calm because Kevin was still out of sorts. They stepped on the road and Raymond tried to loosen his grip but Kevin held on tightly. They stopped at an abandoned alley after walking for five minutes, hands held tightly. 

When Raymond had been gazing into Kevin's beautiful blue eyes he had imagined them holding hands and walking. But never in a scenario like this. 

Raymond had stopped at the alley to shake Kevin from his stupor. But the cool air plus the walk had started clearing Kevin's mind and he realised what had happened. His eyes widened as he came to terms with what had happened.  
The last time Kevin had a panic attack was when he come out to his parents and his father had clocked him in the head while his mother stood there emotionless. He had passed out during the middle of the assault and when he had woken up it had been dinnertime. 

Kevin saw that he was holding hands with Raymond. He had imagined their first date to be a bit awkward but he had hoped that it would eventually clear up and smooth conversation would flow. What he hadn't imagined was passing out on the table of the restaurant leaving Raymond to fend for both of them. He felt ashamed for not supporting Raymond. He didn't deserve to hold hands with this wonderful man. He jerked his hand out of the man's hands, muttered sorry and left him standing in the alley. 

He felt really bad for leaving like this. But what would he even do to explain his cowardly behaviour. Nothing. Which is exactly what he had done. 

It was painful to look at the hasty retreating form. Raymond felt responsible for exposing Kevin's vulnerability without his consent. He should not have confronted the manager. He should have just left like every other time when he was targeted for being himself. But no. He had to prove himself that he was brave. He had to show off. Now see where that had led him. Alone in an abandoned alley. 

Raymond walked for another 10 minutes before calling a cab and heading towards his home. 

Maybe he was not made for romance. Maybe he was meant to be alone. The cold air hitting his face made his point all the more clear, of how his life was going to be cold and lonely. For the first time in his 28 years he felt tears threatening to well up in his eyes and he let them flow.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The aftermath of the date..

Kevin had an article scheduled to be submitted by tomorrow. But he couldn't concentrate. The events of the previous night were playing in a loop. Yesterday had been the worst night of his life. He had had bad dates in the past too. But this took the biscuit. 

He had a fucking panic attack in the middle of a restaurant, and now he had resorted to using profanities. What had he come too!!!

Why couldn't people mind their own business? They hadn't even held hands, they had just looked at each other, holding each others gazes. When Raymond's face came to his mind a sad smile crept its way onto his face. His eyes were the same colour as his favourite type of coffee. Dark brown. They were so kind and so loving. He was just about to drown in them when that crazy woman had screamed like she was being murdered. 

Raymond was angry at the manager for trying to throw them out for no fault of theirs. They were gay. That was the fault the people in the hotel had found, they tried to ruin their date by jeering and scowling at them and had succeeded at it. 

He was never going to get to know the person who was kind, sexy, handsome, brave, sexy. Wait he had already put that on the list. But the bottom line was he would never get to know him. When Raymond had shook his hands, his heart had fluttered. Such a firm grip. He could only imagine what those hands would be capable of. And after yesterday night's fiasco that was all he could do. 

He knew he was acting like a teenage girl yesterday but he couldn't help himself. Raymond was magnificient. He was so masculine. Kevin was a Classics graduate, had submitted his doctorate thesis to Columbia but the only word he could come up from his exhaustive knowledge of Greek, Latin and English languages, to describe Raymond was masculine. 

Even after blacking out, leaving Raymond to take care of the mess in the restaurant, he had been so protective of Kevin. He had clasped Kevin's hands so tightly like his life depended on it and led him out of the restaurant.  
When Kevin saw their joined hands, his pale skin against the dark skin of Raymond it made him very happy. Raymond had tried to loosen his grip from Kevin, but Kevin wouldn't allow it. Their hands looked so beautiful together how could Raymond not want this, he couldn't figure out for the life of him. 

Now he knew. 

Well, maybe it was for the best. Best for Raymond. Why would such a brave man date a cowardly, fragile journalist who had a panic attack at the first sign of trouble? 

Kevin didn't understand why he had a panic attack. He had first hand experience with homophobes. His parents were one. He knew he was gay for more than half his life and he had experienced hatred every single day since he came out to his parents. And yet, yesterday happened. 

His fingers tightened around the pen so much, whenever he thought about yesterday, that it broke and some of the glass cut his hand. 

He hissed when he saw the blood. That is when he felt the pain. About everything till now. 

Elena turned around to see what the commotion was and saw Kevin's hands were bleeding. She saw Kevin just looking at it, not taking any effort to stop the bleeding. It seemed that he somehow was concentrating on the pain. 

She stood quietly and went to the break room to take the first aid kit. She came back to her cubicle to find a silently crying Kevin. She took his hand in hers and cleaned and bandaged it. Kevin was silent the entire time, even when she applied the antiseptic on the wound. 

Once she completed dressing it, she took a seat and turned Kevin's chair around. She cleared her voice to take the role of his therapist. 

"Kevin, what is the matter with you my friend? Give me the deets. Did that man you went on a date on hurt you, say something? I will make sure he doesn't see the light of another day. 

Kevin had a slight smile on his face. He was slightly amused by the amount of interest Elena had for his non existent love life. He was touched that she cared about him and a bit guilty that he hadn't thought highly of her. 

He couldn't bring himself to recount yesterday's events to her because every time he started to tell, he started to shake like a leaf. But after several attempts, at her coaxing he finally opened his heart to her. 

He had never cried so much in his life as he was doing today. He cried that he would never find anyone. He cried that he lost his one attempt at love. He cried that he was going to die alone. 

Elena almost rolled her eyes at his exaggerated statements but this was not the time. 

She had never seen him this broken. She had always seen Kevin to be a man with a stick up his ass. Now she understood why. He had faced struggles in his life for being himself. His sexuality controlled every facet of his life and not the other way around. He was judged harshly for something he had no control over. He was beaten for not conforming to the boring rules of the society. 

He was forced to be tough, to be cold, and regard everyone with suspicion. He had built a wall around him and kept everyone at an arms length since people preyed on him when he lowered his defenses. 

Kevin was just 25 years old, yet he had faced a lifetime of challenges. 

Elena was experiencing a tirade of emotions. She was feeling angry at the society for treating her friend so badly, guilty for harshly judging him and sad that the society wouldn't see the light of this beautiful kind soul. 

She realised that he had never allowed himself to have friends as he expected them to leave at the first sign of him baring his soul to them.  
She then decided that she was going to be his friend and do a damn good job at that. She willed herself to be brave for him. 

The flood of emotions had risen because of the bad date. She didn't know how the Raymond guy was but from what Kevin had told he seemed like a decent guy. 

She knew Kevin was blaming himself for the bad date. It wasn't his fault but he was not going to accept that. He was a stubborn romantic overthinking idiot. 

She had noticed that whenever he was talking about Raymond his voice had a hint of happiness. He seemed to really like this guy. She was going to be his love guru even if he wasn't going to accept it. God knows Kevin really needed one. 

She coughed and cleared her voice so that she had Kevin's undivided attention. 

"Sweetheart, you have not fucked this date up", she noticed he winced when she said the profanity. God! He was such a child she thought sadly. 

"You won't accept that I know it. But if you feel you have f-screwed up, isn't it your responsibility to apologise to him? Call him and thank him for rescuing you from that shit hole. Be a gentleman and use the golden words." 

"What should I say after I have apologised and thanked him?" His voice had so much vulnerability that she wanted to hug him tightly and say that everything was going to be fine. Although most people would be relieved after a hug, Kevin wasn't most people. 

So she gently held his good hand, looked into his eyes, there was fear but also so much hope in those eyes that she would give him a solution, a good one, which would miraculously solve everything he thought he had messed up. She would give him exactly that. 

"You respond to whatever he says next. Ask him about his day. You are a Classics graduate I am pretty sure you can sing him a ballad. Just have a conversation with him. Talk about your day, talk about how amazing a friend I am."

Kevin rolled his eyes and smiled. She was a bad influence on him if she had made Kevin Cozner roll his eyes. But the playfulness on his face instantly got replaced with fear and anxiety. 

" What if he doesn't want to talk to me? After all-"

" Kevin, you listen to me loud and clear. It is not your fault you had a panic attack. And if he thinks that that is the case, he clearly doesn't deserve you. Do you get it?. "

" So just to be sure what you are saying is I just conduct a normal conversation with as if nothing happened." 

" No you acknowledge what happened and conduct a normal conversation." 

Kevin listened to her every word carefully as if they held the secrets to life. 

Elena really hoped for Kevin's sake that Raymond would be a decent guy and treat him well. Kevin needed a win in his life and she desperately hoped that Raymond was it.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> All is not lost when Kevin is a brave man and Raymond a considerate soul.

Elena had convinced Kevin to call Raymond. It was easy for her to say. She was not the one who had to call a person who had just seen her in the worst possible state. 

There was no way Kevin was going to beat that day. But the way his life was heading he wasn't sure about that either. 

Raymond had seen him in the worst possible state. Maybe, it was for the best. Raymond knew what to expect if he got into a relationship with Kevin. If he got into one. 

Kevin laughed at himself for even entertaining such an absurd idea. But Elena was right.

What was happening to him? Elena was right!!! Next, what was going to happen, the sky would turn orange, the cows would fly, he sighed exasperatedly. 

But she was right. He had to accept that. 

When he had left Raymond in the alley, he had muttered an apology so quiet that he was doubting whether he had even said it. Raymond deserved an apology for Kevin's cowardice and a word of gratitude for bravely protecting Kevin at the restaurant. 

If that meant, Kevin had to undergo the most difficult conversation in his life, he would gladly do it for the brave handsome man. 

Kevin had spent hours trying to construct a conversation but no words in the English dictionary expressed his gratitude appropriately. But for now, he had to makedo with the words he had in his hands ( he was holding a Thesaurus ). And that was becoming increasingly difficult by the minute. 

Papers were strewn all around his table showing his valiant efforts at constructing a conversation. In the end, he decided to just wing it. 

Armed with just a few notecards, he picked up the phone with trembling hands. The next 20 minutes were spent in picking up and keeping down the receiver. Finally he gathered enough courage to dial the number. 

He waited for the phone to connect. He wished that Raymond would not pickup the phone because at least then he could say he tried. But to his misfortune Raymond picked it up instantly. 

"Hello. This is the residence of Raymond Holt. How may I help you?"

Kevin shivered just hearing his voice. It was so firm and yet so kind. He was transported to the first day he spoke to Raymond. How wonderful life would be if he could just carry out all his transactions via the phone?!

Kevin forced himself to come back to reality. He had a task at hand and he would do it successfully if that was the last thing he could do. 

He took in a deep breath, let it out and started. "Hello Sergeant Raymond Holt. I am Kevin Cozner from the New Yorker. I hope I am not disturbing you. I could call at another time of your choice. " He was going to replace the phone without hearing an answer, when he heard, " No,no, you have not disturbed me. What would you like to talk about?"

The time had come. 

Kevin started out with a voice that belayed confidence he never had.  
"I would to apologize for my behaviour last night. It was frankly appalling and I am extremely ashamed of it. I am not normally like that. I am usually in more control of my emotions but nevertheless yesterday happened ", he realized he was rambling. Oh God!!!

He had to thank him too. He took a deep breath again and started, "I would also like to extend my gratitude for the fearless way you handled the situation. It could not have been easy with me lying unconscious. But you have been very brave, also you took care of me. I am very grateful for that. Is there anyway I could repay the good deed you have done? Please tell me and I would try to do it to the best of my abilities." 

When Kevin stopped talking, he realised he was out of breath. He had said the entire thing in one breath he realised, albeit a little late. He groaned, was his bad time never going to end. 

Raymond chuckled at the ramble on the other end and also at the soft, faint groan. He had never heard a more eloquent ramble in his life. It was adorable to hear it. 

When Kevin had left him in the alley all alone, Raymond had felt that it was because he had been confrontational without a second thought for his date. Now he realised it was because Kevin was embarassed of his behaviour. He realised the true meaning behind the sorry he had muttered quietly. At that moment, he had been confused and thought that it meant Kevin never wanted to see him. 

Raymond had never been more proud in his life than when Kevin had praised him for his bravery. He had been trying to impress Kevin and seems like it worked.  
That confrontation, also, he had realised in the cab, was more directed against the multitude of similar incidents he had experienced in the past and had kept quiet, than at the isolated incident that happened at the restaurant. 

Kevin had asked how he could repay him and Raymond was going to take a chance and ask just the thing he wanted. But before that, he wanted to make Kevin more comfortable in having a conversation with him. To achieve that, he must downplay his role in yesterday's scuffle and also ask for an apology in return. He was going to do just that. 

He cleared his voice and started. " You are very sweet to say that Mr. Cozner. It was nothing really. I have experienced tons of people objecting to my way of living. Usually, I keep quiet and I also am in more control of my emotions. But yesterday seated in front of a handsome gentleman," he knew he was being cheeky but he continued, "and prevented from having the time of my life snapped something in me and I could not stop myself. I am extremely sorry for putting you in a tough spot."

Kevin had blushed to the ears, he couldn't believe that Raymond had found him attractive. Him with his pale skin, sprinkled with freckles, and lanky body. He also observed that Raymond was not angry with him for abandoning him in the restaurant and the alley. He had to say something but he didn't know what. There was an even bigger problem than choosing words, it was forming them. When he opened his mouth, only breath came out. He had no voice. 

Raymond was so self assured and confident. How he fancied a guy like Kevin, he could only wonder. Before he could drown himself in the pool of misery, Raymond spoke.

" If you are willing, I would like to take you up on your offer of repaying me for the so called brave deed that you said." 

Raymond's voice had wavered a bit. Kevin felt a bit guilty for taking comfort in the other man's uncertainty. He thought there was something that could make the great Raymond Holt a bit unsure about himself. He wanted to know what it was. So he listened without interrupting, holding his breath. 

Raymond seemed to be getting strength from the silence. He continued, "If you are free of any social requirements and are willing, I would like to take you on another date." He felt brave and wanted to bare his soul a bit. He said, "We were supposed to have a good time but we did not have. It was not our mistake." Raymond was pleading for another chance. "I do not think that we should let other people's opinions govern us. In my honest opinion I felt we could have had a good time and I would like to check if my initial hypothesis was correct or not. Would you be willing to help me evaluate my opinion? "

The question was out in the open. He fervently hoped that Kevin would say yes. He listened to Kevin's increasing speed of breaths as he waited for an answer. 

Kevin was dumbstruck. He had been asked a question for which he was not prepared. He had expected anger, mockery, humiliation but not kindness and acceptance. Tears welled up, threatening to fall. His throat thickened. The silence was deafening and he was trying desperate to break the silence. 

"Kevin", the voice uttered gently leaving behind all semblance of formality. "Are you there?"

Raymond's voice was so calming. It gave him the courage to give him the answer he had wanted to give. 

Kevin coughed a bit, clearing his voice. The thought of Raymond holding hands with him because he wanted to, gave him all the confidence he needed. "Yes, I am there. I would be willing to give a detailed analysis of your opinion this Monday night, if you are free." 

"Yes, I have heard Monday nights are good for conducting experiments. Especially if you are outside Cafe Le Plaisir at 7 pm. Please do arm yourselves with 10 100gsm papers and two smooth writing black ball point pen." 

"Ten papers and two pens? That seems a bit excessive, isn't it?" Kevin asked with a smile playing on his face. 

"Well you never know when the night might get intense. It is best to be prepared for any situation. I would not like the night to go waste because we had a shortage of supplies." Kevin blushed when Raymond stressed on the word supplies a bit too much. 

"Since you are the chief researcher on this topic, I will comply with your wishes, however unrealistic it may sound. I am looking forward to the Monday night experiment." Kevin had become very enthusiastic by the time he reached the end of that sentence. 

\-------------------------------------------------------------------  
He had a date! HE. HAD. A. DATE ! 

Both of the men were thinking the same thing when they kept down their receivers. They wanted to jump up and down, they wanted to shout they had a date from their rooftops but refrained from doing that since it was childish. 

Both of them retired the night with the hope of a better future and a lingering smile on their faces.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another chance.

January 28, 1985

Monday had crept in and both of our boys didn't even realise it. So lost were they in their long phone night conversations that they didn't even realise that the week had changed. 

It had started out with Raymond calling Kevin to inform him about the details of their second date and ended with them predeciding a time when they could talk in the future. Which was going to be everyday. 

As the awkwardness between them reduced, the length of their conversation increased and eventually they ended up talking through the night. 

They would create a list of topics they wanted to discuss the previous day but the list would be abandoned within the first five minutes of their conversation. Their talks would be playful, witty, funny but more importantly caring. They would start by asking about each other's day and they trusted the other person to answer it honestly. If they had a bad day they would say that and the other would comfort them and tell them that tomorrow would be better. 

Kevin would weep silently as Raymond told about his homophobic and racist colleagues. Raymond was a stronger man than Kevin imagined him to be. He would listen to their insults silently because any appropriate reaction from him would be considered to be an exaggerated response to a "friendly" joke.

Raymond was determined. It was his dream to be the Commissioner but before that he wanted to command a precinct of his own.  
He had told Kevin about his 23 point plan to achieve the goal, and in his opinion he was headed in the right direction. Kevin had never been more proud of someone than when he heard Raymond's perfect execution of his plan. He started calling him Captain Raymond Holt to keep him motivated on the bad days. 

Raymond on the other hand had started calling him Professor Kevin Cozner when he came to know about Kevin's dream to be a professor at the Columbia University. Kevin had a 14 point plan to achieve it and he was over the moon when Raymond appreciated the extensive detailing behind the formation of the plan. 

It was scary for both of them when they realised how close they had become in such a short time. Their previous night conversations powered them through the rest of the day. 

Kevin was oddly calm before the second date. He was a bit nervous about eating in a restaurant again. When he had voiced his concerns, Raymond told him not to worry. The owner of the restaurant was his sister's boyfriend so they had a special seat reserved for them at the back where nobody would disturb them. 

Kevin had been excited when Raymond had told him that he had a surprise planned for him. He had asked him incessantly as to what it was but to no avail. Raymond had steadfastly refused to tell him but he did say, that Kevin would enjoy the surprise. 

Kevin couldn't wait. 

He wore a dark green sweater over a pair of denim jeans. He was told by an "expert" dresser ( Elena) that the dark green brought out the colour in his eyes and the jeans made his butt look cute and perky. He had flushed at that comment at the time and had even gently admonished her for making such comments but was feeling quite proud of his butt. 

Raymond had told him to bring pen and paper, when he asked Kevin out for another date.   
Now when he had packed them with him he feeling a bit bashful and playful. He bought a 1960 Burgundy as a gift to Raymond. 

Raymond had already arrived outside the restaurant. When he saw Kevin his face lit up with a bright smile. The world outside just saw the slight upturn of Raymond's lips but Kevin understood the intensity of emotion behind it. It meant Raymond was excited to see him. He replied with a similar gesture and noticed the twinkle it caused in Raymond's dark chocolate eyes. 

Raymond opened the door for Kevin and Kevin turned a shade of deep red. How chivalrous he thought. Raymond smirked at the reaction he wanted to cause and had caused. He led them to the corner most table. 

Raymond had been right. Their table was cut off from the rest of the restaurant. They were greeted to a beautiful view of the night life of the city. Their faces were lit up by the soft warm glow of the candle and it enhanced their experience even more. 

Once they had finished ordering their food, they fell into a comfortable silence of just admiring each other. Their legs touched completely accidentally the first time and then completely intentionally the next 20 times. Their fingers were playing silent games with each other that both didn't even realise.

Raymond was openly ogling the man in front of him. He was past the embarrassment of getting caught and was now enjoying the way Kevin was reacting to his stare. Kevin's blush spread from his cheeks and down his sweater. Raymond was quite proud of himself for being the one to cause such a reaction. You could see that from the smug look he had on his face.

Kevin was silent for the most part of the dinner, squirming slightly under the intense glare of Raymond. He was shy to even meet his eyes. Nobody affected him the way Raymond did. 

They made polite conversation asking about each other's day. Kevin was sure that Raymond's voice had an addictive edge. He didn't want Raymond to stop talking. He could listen to him read a comic book and still be mesmerized. Thankfully, Raymond knew better than to read a comic. 

Kevin had realised that Raymond was unique in a way that no one was. He knew so much about art, literature and music, sometimes even more than Kevin and yet, he chose to protect the city despite being bogged down by society. He was fiercely committed to serve the society, which had done nothing but ostracize him for being him. Some would say he was being an idiot but Kevin would say he was being brave. 

Kevin was lost in his adoration for Raymond that he didn't realise he had been quiet for a long time, until Raymond shook his hand gently. 

"Kevin?"

Kevin came out of his stupor to realise that he had been day dreaming. When Raymond realised what had happened, he had an almost evil smile, a smile which teased Kevin gently for being such a sappy romantic. 

Kevin flushed but he was not very embarrassed. He wanted to know how much Raymond affected him. If it meant he had to be embarassed, so let it be. 

They had a wonderful dinner. The food was amazing. The company more so. What was still bothering Kevin was the surprise. He still didn't know what it was. Maybe Raymond forgot. No, he didn't seem like the man who would. But the night was over and he had yet to get it. What could it be? Kevin was again lost in his thoughts. 

Raymond realised that whenever there was a furrow between Kevin's brows he had lost him. He found that quite adorable. He wanted to smooth out the creases and furrows and hold his face in his hands and just ask him what was he thinking so intensely. 

There were several times when Kevin's eyes would become molten silver and gaze into the distance. Initially, he felt that Kevin was having a panic attack but then he saw the dilated pupils. Now he had an idea what Kevin was thinking about. He was thinking about him. He felt lucky. How he had managed to get acquainted with such a person he never knew. And yet here he was. 

He called out again, "Kevin? Earth to Kevin."

Kevin shook his face at the sudden intrusion of his thought and saw Raymond smiling at him. That man knew he was affecting Kevin and continued to be more charming than ever. 

"Care to share your thoughts, Professor Cozner?"

Kevin didn't want to stretch his luck. He was having a good time already but the surprise was bugging him. He didn't want to sound ungrateful as Raymond had already taken care of the bill, but he needed to ask.   
He asked in a very meek voice, " You said something about a surprise. I was wondering what it was."

Raymond chuckled at the professor's curiousity. Throughout the week Kevin had tried various methods to information out of Raymond. He would be a very good interrogator, Raymond thought fondly. 

"Patience is a fine virtue to have in handy, Professor. Just hold your horses for 10 more minutes and we will get to your surprise. I am a bit dejected that you have not already guessed it." said Raymond with a fond frown.

Honestly, Raymond had thought Kevin would have worked it by now. But he hadn't. 

Kevin pouted, "You would not give me any hints."

All of Raymond's inhibitions lowered as soon as he saw Kevin's pout. Kevin's lips were the most attractive thing in this world and nothing anybody would say change that. Kevin's hands were soft too, soft as a flower petal. Raymond was sure his lips would be soft too. How he was controlling himself from kissing that man senseless, only Raymond knew.

Raymond asked him like he was indulging a little child. "What is today's date?" Kevin was getting a bit annoyed by all the secrecy, but he replied anyways "28th of January, 1985." 

Realization dawned on his face and he knew what the surprise was. Oh! What a fool he was! Oh, Raymond, the beautiful beautiful man! He couldn't stop himself from smiling. How had he forgotten this date! He chided himself for being so forgetful. He blamed Raymond for having all of his attention throughout the week, leaving none for the miscellanous interests he indulged in. He was jumping with joy and excitement the evening was going to bring

Raymond could read Kevin like a book. He was able to pinpoint the exact moment when the annoyance turned into excitement.  
Raymond led them to the terrace of the restaurant. He cleared the ground and spread the bedsheet he had brought with him for this occasion, very neatly. He tugged Kevin's hand to make him sit down with him. 

Kevin noticed that Raymond had an excellent ability to make Kevin feel at ease. 

He had chosen the restaurant's terrace to view this event. They had an excellent view of the night sky and there was no one nearby. There was a park down below and people had gathered to witness the once in a lifetime event. They were away from the hustle and bustle of the society. It was brilliant. 

Kevim scooched closer to Raymond. Kevin would get cold very easily. Raymond on the other hand, Kevin realised, had a hot core body temperature. He scooched even closer to Raymond as the night got cold until their shoulders were touching each other. Despite their closeness, Kevin was feeling a distance between them. He shifted even closer. That was when Raymond realised what he wanted. He put an arm around Kevin and gathered him closer, vanishing all concept of distance. Kevin hummed contently. 

That was when it happened. 

The Halley's Comet passed above them. When it graced the sky, it was the most brilliant celestial object in the sky. As it passed through the sky, there was quietness all around. Everybody's jaw dropped at the beauty. 

The next time such a brilliant spectacle would happen was after 75 years, in the year 2061. 

Kevin was awestruck at the comet's magnificence while Raymond was struck by Kevin's beauty. He had seen the comet pass the sky and it was very good. But certainly not as good as the jaw-dropping man sitting next to him. Kevin had committed every single detail in the sky to memory and Raymond had documented Kevin's expressions. Kevin was so expressive. He was shocked, surprised, happy and was that tears?  
All these emotions fleeted across his face. 

Why were there tears? Did he not like the surprise? He seemed happy a minute ago, Raymond wondered. 

Slowly, Kevin came back to the Earth. His eyes were bright, so bright that Raymond suspected that the comet's brilliance had somehow been transferred to Kevin. 

Raymond had never seen someone get so enraptured by a simple feat of nature. Though Kevin would argue that it was anything but simple. Raymond was not very good at reading emotions, but he had a clue as to what the tears in Kevin's eyes meant. He knew it meant happiness, joy but he had to make sure. 

"Kevin" he started softly. "Are you alright?" 

Kevin didn't answer in the conventional way known to Raymond. Instead he cupped Raymond's face as gently as possible, as if he was holding a flower with a dew drop on it, afraid to let it slide, and leaned in towards him. 

Raymond didn't understand what was happening at first. But he was an intelligent man. He got the hang of the situation pretty quickly and helped Kevin in joining their lips together. It fit perfectly as two correct pieces of jigsaw coming together. They were puzzles trying to solve each other.

Raymond had always been a good multitasker. So he had no problem imagining how Kevin's lips would be, how it would taste while maintaining an intelligent conversation on the phone with the Professor. He had a working hypothesis that needed to be tested and at this moment it was happening. 

Raymond's hypothesis turned out to be correct. Kevin's lips were so soft and so pliant. So red. They kept kissing underneath the blanket of stars. This moment was theirs and theirs alone. Nobody could steal it. This was theirs forever. 

They pulled away from each other, gasping for breath. ( Stupid human problems ). They looked at each other and smiled knowingly, as they knew what had to be done next. They leant towards each other and kissed again and again and again until it was time to head home. 

They didn't want to be move away from this beautiful place, beautiful time, beautiful person but unfortunately, both had their respective jobs they had to get back to. 

Before leaving, Kevin said in a pompous tone, " I do believe the results of the experiment are successful. Although if you wish we could conduct more trials just to be sure."

Raymond sputtered, " Yes, yes, of course. Trials...experiments. Yes. "

Kevin's brain was doing an internal waltz when he saw that he had left Raymond incoherent. 

"Bye Captain Raymond Holt." He said seductively. 

\------------------------------------------------------------

Raymond looked at the retreating figure with disbelief. What was one a shy figure was slowly turning out to be a minx in disguise. 

That man was trouble he knew it but he was too spellbound to do anything. Raymond was doomed.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just Kevin and Raymond being there for each other...

June 1985

Raymond and Kevin had been dating each other for 4 months 12 days. If you would have asked them how long they had been dating they would have told you to the last minute. 

Nobody made Kevin laugh as much as Raymond did. And nobody laughed at Raymond's jokes as much as Kevin. Raymond's jokes were always dismissed for being too wordy and too factual. But not to Kevin. To Kevin, his jokes were smart, wittu, original and most of all spontaneous. Raymond could make a joke out of thin air. He had made a joke about thin air but Kevin does not wish to share with us common folk.

Their late night conversations were the best part of their day. Once they completely lost track of time and had talked through the night. The next day when they went to their respective jobs they were so sleepy and constantly yawning that they decided to set a time limit for the conversations. They kept an alarm to remind them when the time was up. But there was only so much times they could tolerate an abruptly ended structured debate. 

After the magical second date, they went out for just 3 more dates. They were amazing too. Raymond took the responsibility of choosing the venue and he didn't disappoint. They had gone to a museum for thermometers, Mahler's Symphony No. 9 and Tchaikovshy's Swan Lake ballet. Kevin had been ogling the lead man of the ballet, when Raymond came to know about this he had squeezed Kevin's hands and planted a kiss so passionate on them that made Kevin forget about everything except Raymond. 

He liked having a jealous boyfriend. He was usually the one being jealous, it was good to be on the other side. He was jealous sometimes, who was he kidding. He was jealous always. Raymond was an attractive man with a commanding presence. Heads would turn around to look at the man gliding gracefully amongst the crowd. At times like this Kevin wanted to put an arm around his waist and pull him closer and tell the world that Raymond was his. But he was scared,so he would put on a fake smile. 

Raymond was a damn good detective for a reason. He had recognised the tell tale signs of Kevin's possessiveness at their third date itself. When he saw them, he would immediately pretend to linger his fingers around Kevin or brush them on Kevin's wrist. The relief on Kevin's face after such a gesture was evident to even an outsider. 

They recognised each other's bad days just by listening to their breaths, their voice. The telephone brought them very very close. They had become dependent on each other for emotional and moral support. 

Raymond had started having good days quite a bit because of a new police officer Madeline Wuntch. They started hanging out together because they were both targeted by their peers. She, like Raymond was determined to be a police commissioner. Although, Kevin was happy to know that Raymond was not alone, he did not necessarily like Wuntch. Kevin felt that she was being too close to his boyfriend. But Raymond shrugged it off saying that his fears were unfounded as Raymond was gay, he liked men specifically Kevin (Kevin narrowed his eyes when Raymond said men so he had to clarify) and Madeline Wuntch was a woman and just a friend.

No one knew Kevin and Raymond had been dating except for Elena. Both of them felt this relationship was different to the ones they had in the past so they were taking it slow, giving it time to grow and just enjoying each other's company. Both of them had a hard time hiding this from their colleagues as some of them had made it their goal in life to "cure" them of their homosexuality. The lengths that one would go to set them up on a date with the other sex was truly appalling and sometimes even funny. 

That made for some interesting phone conversations for the night. 

People would pester them to go out on a date with the person of their choosing. Which always was a heterosexual woman. When Raymond and Kevin would say they were busy, people would instantly come up with another date. There was only so many times you could turn down a date without exploding into flames from anger. 

The one time Raymond had shouted at a man to leave him alone, the man muttered under his breath "I was only trying to save you from going to hell. There is no value for good these days." That incident had circulated around the office like a forest fire. People had kept away from him for two whole days before they started doing their "good deeds" again. .

This one was the limit. One day a middle aged police officer had approached his table. He was one of the few police officers who were homophobes but not racist. "Ray, my boy, how are you doing?" Raymond was not particularly pleased with being called Ray, my boy and was definitely not pleased that he had to talk to this man. But he was one of the best out of the worst police officers so he responded courteously. " I am fine, Jack. Thank you for asking. I hope that all is fine with you too."

Raymond started to open different drawers to give him the impression he was busy but the man wouldn't take a clue even if he held up a sign saying I AM NOT INTERESTED. 

Jack said , "I have quite the catch for you Raymond. You can't possible say no to her." Jack reached for his wallet in his back pocket and opened it to show a picture. "This is my daughter. Look at her. She is so sexy and beautiful." Raymond looked at him in disbelief as he listened to Jack make inappropriate comments about his daughter. "Look at her tits Raymond. I would bang her if she wasn't my daughter. Should I set you up with her?" Before Raymond could even open his mouth, Jack reached for the telephone on Raymond's table," You know what, I know what your answer is going to be. Are you free tomorrow night?" He continued talking as he dialled in a number.

Before he could set up a date, Raymond snatched the phone away from his hands and told, " I am gay. I like men not women. Is this fact so hard enough for you to understand? I do not want to go out with your daughter. Those comments were neither work appropriate nor socially appropriate. Is this how you see your daughter? I pity her."

Jack was shocked. How dare he interrupt him while he was in the process of changing Raymond's life for good. Jack wanted to hammer the fact into Raymond's skull that there was no such thing as homosexuality so badly. Since he could not do that, he did the next worst thing possible. He punched Raymond in his face.

Raymond was taken aback. His mind was finding it hard to process what had just happened. Jack was his superior officer. He couldn't raise his hands because that would destroy all his efforts to reach till here. Nobody would believe him over Jack. So Raymond just stood there, closed his eyes when he saw a rain of punches coming his way.  
But it stopped abruptly, when he opened his eyes, he saw Jack's hand was held back by Madeline. 

Madeline had gone for her break. There was no restroom facilities for the women on the flooe. They had to walk for about two minutes to reach the closest washroom. She had gone to use it and when she returned back she saw Jack raining punches on Raymond and Raymond just stood there with his eyes tightly shut. 

The others in the precinct, she noticed were just watching the scene and not holding back Jack from hitting Raymond again. She rushed to the scene and caught Jack from throwing another punch. She did not know the reason why there was such a hostile environment towards Raymond. She was the butt of all sexist jokes but they targeted Raymond in an entirely different manner altogether. 

Jack tried to shake off the stronghold of Wuntch but she wouldn't budge. She was small but she was very powerful. She said, " No, I will not."

"Leave me, Wuntch. Do you know what he said? If you knew what he said, you would be throwing punches at him too." spat out Jack.

"I do not care for that. It is wrong to hit another officer. You could be charged for that." said Madeline calmly. 

The eeriely calm tone infuriated Jack and he tried even more aggressively to wrench his hand out of her iron grip. "Oh yeah, who will testify against me? You! I am your superior officer Wuntch. Do NOT forget that."

Wuntch's grip loosened a bit. Jack took the opportunity and freed his hand out. By that time, Jack's anger displaced from Raymond to Madeline but he wouldn't hit her, she was a woman after all. Jack left the scene in a huff like a child who wasn't given an ice cream. 

Madeline rushed to Raymond's side. He had bruises all over the face. She really liked Raymond because she saw much of herself in him. They were facing the same set of problems to reach their common destination. And by the looks of it, Raymond was facing more. 

Raymond told her what happened. She couldn't understand why he wouldn't go out with her. Both of them seized any opportunity to move ahead with both hands. This was the perfect one. Go out with your superior's daughter, be very charming and earn respect from your superior.

What she didn't know was that Raymond was gay. He assumed she knew who he was from everyone in the office. 

He didn't know the only person to whom Madeline talked to was him. 

Thirty minutes had passed since the assault and Raymond couldn't concentrate. He saw the time it was 15 minutes past 3. He was not getting anywhere with his work. So he decided to call it a day and go home. Not that it mattered to anybody. He left the office quietly. 

He decided to walk back home. It was 'just' 10 blocks away. He usually power walked to his home when he had a bad day but today was not a bad day, it was the worst. 

Society had a place for lecherous people like Jack but not for people like him he thought somberly. 

The only thing that would make his day better was a phone call from Kevin. He wanted to meet him, kiss those soft red lips, hug him or just hold his hand, but he couldn't just go unannounced to his home. Or could he? No he couldn't. He had to give him at least 48 hours notice before dropping at his door. 

He just hoped that Kevin had a better day than him because he was not in a shape to provide any support today. 

20 miles away---

Kevin had decided to leave early for home. He had finished his article way ahead of time and he was going to treat himself for that. He was going to listen to Mahler's Fourth Symphony which Raymond had gifted him when he came to know how much he liked that musician and review the novels sent to him. 

As the music surrounded him he lost himself in the thoughts of Raymond. His eyes specifically. Kevin was feeling particularly lucky today. He decided to test it more and call up Raymond. He knew it was early and he hadn't given him prior notice but he could try. So he called. 

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The phone rang at Raymond's place. That was odd. Nobody called him at this hour. Kevin would call him two hours later. Today was Friday. His mother called him on Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Saturdays. Maybe it was his sister who would call him to let him know her office's 'hot goss'. 

He let it ring for three more times before picking it up. Whoever was on the other side was definitely more patient than Debbie. Who was it? 

He picked up.

"Hello. This is Raymond Holt's residence. How may I help you? " he said in a practiced monotonous voice. 

"Raymond, you do not sound well. Are you alright?"

Raymond almost cried tears of joy at hearing the cool, calming voice of Kevin. 

"No, I am fine" his voice wavered a bit. He stilled his voice and said, " I just had a rough day. Nothing out of the blue." He almost laughed at the pun he had made unintentional. He had been beaten black and blue.

"What is the matter, darling?"

"Darling" that was new. They never had nicknames for each other except for Professor and Captain. Raymond melted at the sweet endearment. 

He controlled himself and told Kevin about his day. He made sure to leave some unsavoury details behind but Kevin caught him. 

Kevin said in a Professor-like tone. "Raymond, I know I have not given you a 48 hours notice of my arrival but you are hiding something I know that for certainty. So unless you do not want me to come, I am going to come to your place. You do not sound well." 

Kevin came to Raymond's house 40 minutes later armed with some dinner and a bottle of wine. 

To say Kevin was shocked would be understating his emotions. Kevin couldn't move from his place when he saw Raymond. His face was covered with bruises. He had a split lip. His right eye was swollen shut. 

Raymond was uncomfortable with the amount of emotions he was seeing on Kevin's face. He tried to make the 'out of the blue' joke but for the first time in their relationship, Kevin didn't laugh. Infact, he glared at him with tears in his eye. A tear escaped his eye as he entered the flat. 

For Raymond, this much amount of concern for him was unheard and unseen. The only person who cried for him was his mother when he came out to her. Not because he was gay but because of the struggles he would face in his life. Now Kevin was concerned for him. 

He stroked Raymond's cheek and sobbed, "You work too hard. Why do you work so hard? Nobody respects you. Nobody treats you well. Nobody acknowledges the work you do. Why Raymond, pray tell me why?"

Raymond cried his first tear in a long long time.  
"Because it matters to me. Because I want to reach that place where I can prevent things like this from happening. Because I want to build a future where people like me get a say and feel free to do anything they want but within their legal rights. Because I want to protect you." 

Kevin took his hand and led him to the couch. He sat him down and cupped his face gently, not touching the bruised area and kissed him with all that he could give. 

The kiss was everything Raymond could ask for. It told him that there was someone who cared for him, someone who supported him and someone who acknowledged what he was doing.

That time spent in the last four months of his life was the best time spent. They were going slowly and smoothly and cherishing each moment they got to spend with each other. Raymond had spoiled Kevin for other men and Kevin for Raymond.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Kevin had never loved someone because he never got close to anyone. He had built a wall around him and nobody cared about him enough to try and break it. Raymond did. 

Kevin hugged Raymond with all the love and affection he had, a man who even after being treated wrong at every turn, had chosen to be a good person. He was scared of hurting him so he tried to pull back but Raymond wouldn't let him. Raymond pulled him even closer and cried till he was shaking. Kevin hushed him gently whispering to him about the bright future of Raymond that he could see. Raymond couldn't see the future, it got blurred in the process of his struggles but Kevin said he saw it and Raymond trusted him. 

Kevin could see a bright future for both of them in their respective careers. He just hoped that Raymond saw a future with him in it. 

They sat on the couch for a long time, when Kevin suddenly realised he had bought food that lay cold by their side. Luckily Raymond had a microwave. Kevin plated their food and opened up the wine. They sat next to each other at the dining table, their legs touching and playing with each other and their eyes having a conversation of their own, as they ate the food in silence. 

After their dinner, Kevin had banished Raymond from his own kitchen when Raymond offered to clean up. It was quite adorable to see the 'angry' Professor. Kevin placed the leftovers gently, with both hands, inside the garbage can and started washing the plates. 

Raymond was standing at the door adoring the domesticity of his Professor. Kevin with Raymond's apron looked like he belonged here. With Raymond. He hadn't realised that a smile had crept up and he was grinning at Kevin like a fool. A fool in love. 

His day had started badly but the night was shaping up to be one of the best nights in a long time. 

Kevin had bought a documentary about the evolution of music. Kevin was very romantic, Raymond thought fondly. Watching the history of music unfurl before their eyes was going to be quite the romantic experience. He did not know how he was going to keep his hands of Kevin.  
The detective in him said maybe that was his intention. Who knew. 

Raymond was a stickler for correct postures and he scoffed at anybody who didn't have one.  
But there was one person for whom he made an exception. Kevin. Kevin loved sprawling across on a couch, sleeping on his side curled up, hunching his back as he gradually got engrossed in a book, he was everything that Raymond scoffed at.

But Raymond was helpless. What would you even say to a 82 kilo man leaning on you, curling on himself ( Did Kevin even have bones! How was it possible to contort yourself in such a position and still be comfortable!! ) and holding your hand because he is feeling cold and your hand is warm and he is too lazy to get a blanket.  
Raymond was only human. 

"Is this okay Raymond?" Kevin asked unaware of the dilemma he was causing in Raymond's mind. 

"Yes Kevin. Of course it is okay. It is more than okay. It is perfect. This is a perfectly acceptable position for people to lie down. Of course it is okay." Raymond realised he was babbling but before Kevin could realise it, he wrapped an arm around him, pulling him even closer, curling him even more. 

From that day onwards, this was an acceptable posture for Raymond. One he liked too much and wanted too often.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Can someone come between the two?

By the time the documentary ended, Kevin was spread all over Raymond, who was forced to sprawl all over the sofa. Kevin was such a 'bad' boy, Raymond shivered at that thought. 

Kevin had fallen asleep on Raymond with his hands tightly wrapped around his waist and his head tucked under Raymond's chin. His lips parted slightly as he breathed out adorable little snores. Raymond couldn't do anything except hold the handsome figure in his arms, tightly. He was falling hard, hard and fast in love. 

As always Kevin managed to make Raymond's day end with a smile. How he managed to do that, Raymond could only wonder. Kevin was a blooming flower in the midst of a sewer, that was his life. Kevin's fragrance was slowly spreading in Raymond's life, and would eventually envelope the entirety of Raymond's life, he knew for certain. 

\------------------------------------------------------------------

Kevin shifted slightly in his arms and when he felt Raymond's prominent collarbone against his cheeks, he woke up with a start. He had fallen asleep on Raymond and he hadn't even realised it. It was all Raymond's fault. He had the ability to draw all of Kevin's attention towards him that it made Kevin forget about everything else around him. 

He had brought the documentary in the hope that it would lead to something, as the night progressed but instead it had lead to him falling asleep on Raymond. Not that he was complaining but he had wanted to do something exciting. Now that time had passed, he thought with a pout on his lips, that he didn't even realise had come on his face. 

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

But Raymond had noticed the pout. He had been enjoying the various expressions washing Kevin's face, until it stopped on a pout. After that, he could only do one thing. Kiss him soundly on his lips, kiss him till Kevin forgot everything except Raymond's name. 

Kevin had been so lost in his thoughts that he actually jumped by the sudden movement on his lips but he was a quick adapter. He joined Raymond on his quest to deepen their kiss very enthusiastically.

They were lost in each other's eyes and lips that they didn't notice the incessant knocking on the door. When the knocks changed to thumps that was when they came back to the couch in Raymond's house in Brooklyn.

Raymond looked at the door with confusion, glaring at it, as if, somehow, that, would reveal the identity of the person behind it. But it wouldn't. Ah, the perils of having inanimate objects! 

Kevin had, by now, sat up quickly and looked at Raymond with an expression that was eerily similar to the one he had on their first date.  
The job at hand now, was not opening the door but comforting Kevin.

He started gently, " Kevin, nobody has given me any prior notice about their arrival. Therefore, I think that it would be the building maintenance man having some frivolous problems with the plumbing system, that can somehow be corrected by turning screws at my house. While I tell him to leave my place a bit sternly, I would advise you to please wait for me in the kitchen. I estimate that this whole affair would take about two to three minutes." 

"After that, we can start from where we left off." He added with a coy smile. Kevin's flushed expression at the notion gave him the confidence that Kevin would be fine. 

He gently took Kevin's hand in his and led him to the kitchen. He placed a glass of water next to him and as he turned around to head towards the door, Kevin caught his wrist. He placed his pad of thumb on his pulse gently and in a quiet voice said, "Please be careful. " Raymond was amazed by the amount of concern the three words could provide. He placed his hand on top of Kevin's, "Professor, it is nothing. Everything is fine--" by now the thumps had changed to stomps. 

"Just let me deal with my maintenance man. He needs to know that his behaviour will not be appreciated." He gently retrieved his hand from Kevin's and headed towards the door. 

Raymond was used to such unruly behaviour in the past but the presence of Kevin in his house made him a bit cautious even if it was as simple as dispensing the maintenance guy from his door. 

He opened the door, prepared to yell. But ended up saying, "Madeline, what are you doing here?", in a slightly raised voice. 

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Madeline Wuntch had fought many battles in her life. She had fought her family who never believed in her, fought the society which belittled her and fought repeatedly against the countless repulsive seniors and colleagues that she had. 

She was transferred to the 88th precinct because she wouldn't allow her senior to get in her pants. This was her fifth transfer in three years and now, she was tired. She expected nothing different from the new precinct.

But the 88th precinct gave her a different experience. It gave her Raymond Holt. She was surprised to find a man who understood what she was going through and instead of pitying her, gave her the boost to do better. Raymond Holt rid her of wariness that she had when she joined the precinct. 

She never understood why such a thorough and efficient police officer was being constantly ridiculed. The colour of his skin was a factor, she thought, but the amount of mockery and anger he was subjected to suggested something even more deep than race. 

But the shocking part was how he would never say anything back. He would remain calm, quiet as he listened to their taunts and insults but the small twitch in between his eyebrows notified Madeline to the brewing internal inferno. 

The only sign that he was angry was the way the table shook as he filled out the police reports quietly after a bout of mockery. She pitied the pen experiencing Raymond's wrath. 

His quiet demeanour had won Madeline over. They had become close friends, trying to comfort each other whenever the other was down. She wanted to ask him why he was constantly bullied but could never muster the courage to do so. And he in turn never told her anything about it.

Throughout her career she found men to be the worst kind of assholes, so she had stayed away from forging any kind of relationship with them. But Raymond was different. She liked him. A lot. He could use a little more aggression when his peers insulted him, she thought, but hey, nobody was perfect. 

Today was the day she was going to tell him that she liked him and ask whether their relationship could progress beyond friendship. She hoped he would say yes. She was going to ask him at the end of the day. 

She had gone out to use the washroom facilities in her break time since they couldn't be bothered to have one on the floor she worked. She had left a quiet floor but when she returned it was the complete opposite of that. Jack, her senior was punching the daylights out of Raymond and Raymond just stood there accepting it. Nobody was trying to break the one sided fight, in fact they kept encouraging Jack to hit him even more. 

She ran across the room in time to stop a blow from making contact with Raymond. People underestimated her strength because of her short stature so when Jack couldn't shake his hands off her iron clad grip, he was shocked to say the least. The police officers who were watching the scene were visibly disappointed when she stopped the fight. Some of them even glared at her. 

Jack had tried to jerk her hand off his three times but he wasn't successful.His ego had been hurt and he retired to his cabin to soothe his ego while she turned to tend to Raymond's. He had bruises all over his face and it would take atleast a month to recover from all of that. 

Before she could comfort Raymond and offer to look after him, he had taken off. All the plans for her evening were foiled by that dickhead Jack.  
She had to come with a Plan B and that she did. 

She was going to go all in, in this plan. She was going to go to his house. Seduce him. Make him feel needed. Comfort him.And hopefully he would accept her proposition. 

With this plan in mind, she reached his house.  
She knocked on his door. Nobody answered. She could see the light within the house. Maybe he was sleeping so she started banging the door, hoping that he would get up from the noise. 

She waited for a response, when she didn't get one she banged the door even more forcefully. 

Then the door opened. 

When she saw Raymond, he didn't look as shaken up as he was in the afternoon. In fact he looked happy. Madeline had serious doubts about her plan reaching fruition. 

But she had come this far. Might as well get it done with it. 

"Madeline, what are you doing here at this hour?" Raymond asked with a hint of desperation. 

Instead of answering his question, she stepped inside and untied the belt binding her overcoat, revealing a black, lacy lingerie and moved closer to him. 

Raymond was shell shocked to say the least. He took in an audible gasp of breath. Madeline was proud of herself for disturbing the balance of the self contained Raymond Holt. 

Raymond didn't move away from her. He stood there, still as a rock. As she stood on her tiptoes to kiss him, he said in a quiet monotone, " I am gay." 

Madeline froze. As if to drive Raymond's point home, a man stepped outside from the kitchen and stood at the living room's doorway and asked in a meek voice, "What is happening Raymond?"

Raymond's tense shoulders at that point, loosened just a bit as he turned towards the mysterious man. He left her and went to stand next to him , grasped his hand and addressed her in the same monotone he had used before, " Madeline, meet my boyfriend, Mr. Kevin Cozner of the New Yorker magazine."

His voice took on a gentler note when he addressed Kevin. "Kevin, this is Police Sergeant Madeline Wuntch. She works with me at the 88th precinct." 

Wuntch could do nothing but tie the belt around her overcoat and leave the situation immediately before anybody could say anything. Tears burned her eyes, threatening to fall off. She wouldn't show her tears. She would cry when she would reach home but not now. Not now. 

She reached her home, unlocked the door with such force that it threatened to fall off the hinges and went straight away to the bathroom and hurled her guts out.

Madeline straightened herself up and looked at the mirror. Really looked at her. The tears finally found a way to her face and they continued to fall. But the tears that washed her face were not of sadness but of anger. 

She was angry at herself for opening up. She was angry at herself for dressing up for Raymond, she had never dressed up for someone, then why was Raymond so special, she asked herself. She was angry at the mysterious man for taking away Raymond from her. 

She was angry at Raymond for humiliating her. For not confiding in her. What she didn't realise in her state of anger was that she had never asked him about his sexuality. 

When she did realise it, a new rage erupted inside of her, at her for just assuming that he was heterosexual like all. 

The rage, when it subsided brought in waves of tranquility and a clear mind. 

She now realised why Raymond was treated with such scorn at the precinct. She realised why he had moved at a snail's pace over the administrative ladder even though he had an impeccable record. 

She realised he was gay. And she hoped he was proud of it.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everything works out..

Although Madeline had left, her presence still lingered in the living room of Raymond's house, permeating to the doorway of kitchen where they both were standing. 

Kevin had waited in the kitchen with bated breath, trying to hear Raymond yell at his maintenance guy. But no sounds had come after Raymond opened the door, and so he grew increasingly anxious and curious. But the moment the fourth minute had started, he decided he had waited enough and proceeded to the living room.

Kevin was not prepared to see the sight in front of him. He would never be prepared in a million years. 

There in the living room stood a woman on her tip toes, with blonde hair, short stature, revealing her lingerie collection to Raymond. There was just a paper size gap between them. Both of them looked at him with widened eyes when he quietly shuffled to the living room. 

After the introductions had been dispensed with, the mousy woman fled away from the scene, holding to her coat like it was her dear life. 

She was Madeline Wuntch, the woman who supported his boyfriend when he had a bad day at the precinct. Now he knew why. 

Kevin's entire body flushed with jealousy. 

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Raymond had never encountered such a situation in his life. Until the time he had met Kevin, he had his mother and sister who loved him. And then came along Kevin. He wasn't sure if Kevin loved him but he knew that Kevin definitely liked him. So till today a total of three people liked him. 

So when Madeline came to his house to profess her affections towards him he was ill prepared to say the least. He had no clue whether to chastise her for not knowing he was gay when it was the most talked about topic in the precinct, comfort her for her embarassment or assure Kevin that he had no feelings towards her. 

Seeing as just one of the two people was standing next to him, he decided to take the latter course of action. 

Raymond had previously dismissed Kevin's concerns about Madeline, as he thought she knew he was gay. He realised he had made a big mistake. He was actually in awe of Kevin for recognising Wuntch's reactions to him without even meeting her. But enough with the adoration, Raymond thought, because he had a bigger problem in hand. Even though he had spent days and weeks and months with Kevin, cataloguing his every expression, he didn't how Kevin reacted to situations like this. He knew Kevin wouldn't leave him over a simple issue like this. But Raymond was not the best judge of people, now was he?

He was scared as to what will happen next. He was going to apologise to Kevin for Madeline's actions and leave the ball in Kevin's court. As much as he wanted Kevin to be with him, he wouldn't force his decision on Kevin because that is not what who he was, but he would try to convince Kevin to change his decision if it was unfavourable. 

As he turned to face Kevin, he saw that Kevin was shaking. But this was not a panic attack he knew because of the perfect straight line of Kevin's lips. He was shaking out of anger. He was flushed red to the tips of hair. Now, Raymond was very, very, very scared. 

He conjured courage from somewhere deep inside his body and spoke. The voice that came out of his mouth was so hoarse that he didn't even recognise it was his at first. His voice trembled as he spoke, "Kevin, I am extremely sorry for what happened a few moments back. I thought she knew-

"I am sorry for interrupting you Raymond. You thought she knew you were gay, well she didn't Raymond. Did you explicitly say to her that you were one delete because from what I have heard from you, she is treated like you, separated from the others. So I do not think anybody told her about you. I told you Raymond, that I had my doubts. But you wouldn't listen.", saying this Kevin grabbed Raymond's collar and pushed him against the kitchen door, capturing his lips. 

"You are....mine.....Raymond. And I.... am.... yours. I won't...allow..anybody...to come..between us." Kevin interspersed his words with passionate bruising kisses. He seemed to have forgotten the bruises already present on his face. Right now, he needed to show Raymond that he was angry with him, that he loved him, that he was Delete a  
possessive and jealous lover. 

Raymond had never expected his conversation to take this turn. He had several scenarios in mind but never this. He returned Kevin's kisses with the same frevour, ignoring the pain behind those kisses. The kisses were passionate and life affirming, they forgave him for his stupidity, they seemed to love him for the same but more importantly they were his. 

The kisses stopped. 

Raymond whimpered when Kevin pulled away, Kevin had realised that, his kisses were injuring Raymond even if it soothed his soul. 

Raymond stuttered, his eyes hazy, "K-Kevin, w-what happened? Why d-did you stop? If its about Madeline, I am very, very sorry. Please don't stop." 

Kevin had never hushed a man so gently as he did Raymond. Raymond had just used the word "very" twice, like a teenage girl, Kevin knew that he didn't even know he was saying it. He decided to let go of the mistake, he had more pressing matters at hand. 

"Shh.. love." Kevin cupped his face gently, stroking his cheeks, "I am not angry now, Captain. I was but I am not now. I know what happened was not your mistake nor it was hers. So, come on now, you have had a long day. Let's get you to bed. You need eight hours of undisturbed sleep."

He narrowed his eyes at Raymond and said in a faux stern voice, "I hope you are taking the day off tomorrow Raymond."

Raymond still had a lost expression on his face. What Kevin didn't know was that he had lost Raymond after the use of the word "love". No word entered his mind after that. Raymond was in his happy place. 

Kevin had to shake him vigourously to get him out of his stupor. Raymond had a silly smile on his face and Kevin feared that he was having a cerebrovascular accident. After the third time of vigourously shaking Raymond, he came back to Kevin's arms and just said, "Stay."

Now it was Kevin's turn to be shocked. 

He quietly voiced his surprise, " Stay where, Raymond?"

"Stay the night with me, Kevin. Here in my house. I will take the couch if you feel uncomfortable sleeping in the same bed as me. But stay here. Please."

Kevin trembled slightly by the magnitude of emotion behind the plea. It was unlike anything he had heard before. People usually avoided his company but Raymond was practically begging him to stay. 

He quivered, "But I don't have any night time supplies with me Raymond. I didn't bring my oral hygienist approved toothbrush and toothpaste. I do not have my night time pyjamas and shirt. Furthermore-"

Raymond stopped him with a kiss. "My oral hygienist is a well recognised person. I also have extra night time clothes. Please Kevin, just stay. I do not want this night to end on a sour note. We do not have to sleep. We can talk. We can listen to Tchaikovsky's symphonies. We will do whatever you want. Please agree to my proposition, Kevin." 

Raymond was practically on his knees.

Kevin replied, "Raymond, can you please give me your night time clothes? I would like to change into them to be more comfortable for the night."

Raymond spluttered, "Yes....yes. I will give it right away. Please if you can accompany me to the bedroom, you can choose whatever you want." 

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Even after several assurances from Raymond that he looked good, Kevin was self conscious of his figure when wearing Raymond's clothes. They didn't fit him as well as he had hoped for. The night pyjamas stopped short at his ankles and both the pyjamas and shirt were more baggy than he would like. 

Kevin's cheeks were pink, his skin had a radiant glow under the night light and he had never looked more beautiful than tonight, thought Raymond. 

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Raymond played his collection of documentaries about Greek civilizations. Kevin kept providing interesting anecdotes about the history behind those facts. As the night passed, they moved on from Greek to Latin to Roman to every other possible civilization in the universe.  
Raymond had easily assumed his favourite posture in the world as the night turned to day.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Next day-

Kevin was an early morning riser. He loved writing articles or his thesis in the quiet of the morning when the only sounds to give him company were the larks. He enjoyed it. 

Today's morning was going to be amongst the top five mornings he had experienced. He woke up to a peaceful sleeping Raymond. Raymond's one hand was wrapped around Kevin and the other hand on his stomach. 

Raymond looked so much younger when he was sleeping. All the furrows and creases in his brows and forehead smoothed to give a simpler, happier looking Raymond. Kevin wished he could give a simpler, happier life to Raymond but he could only dream. The bruises on his face made him look all the more younger. Kevin thought sadly that had he been more strong he would have punched the person who hurt his Raymond. 

He softly whispered to Raymond, making sure not to wake him up, "I will make you happy, Raymond", saying this he pressed a soft kiss to his temple. 

Kevin lay gazing at Raymond for a long period of time when he suddenly heard the locks turning. The door unlocked and in rushed a hysterical, young woman yelling, "Raymond! Raymond!"

Raymond woke up with a start at the sudden intrusion of his dreamless sleep. He struggled to focus his eyes on the loud, crass and dramatic noise.

Raymond sat up bringing up Kevin with him, who was looking at the loud figure with widened eyes. His vision cleared and he realised that it was none other than his younger sister, Debbie. 

Before Raymond could introduce Kevin to Debbie, his sister thrust her hand towards Kevin and said, "I am Debbie, Ray's younger sister. And you are?" 

Kevin took her hand and politely said, "I am Kevin Cozner, Ray's", smirking at his nickname, "friend." 

Kevin knew that Raymond had come out to his family but he wasn't sure whether they knew who Kevin was, but given how Kevin was half on Raymond and half on the couch, friends would not be the first thing that would come to anybody's mind. 

Debbie caught on Kevin's dilemma and teased, "I am sure friends around the world sit on each other's lap. "

"Debbie, that is enough. Stop pestering my boyfriend. And why have you come here so early in the morning? Do you need any assistance?"

Debbie was now grinning ear to ear, briefly forgetting why she had come to Raymond's house in the first place. She continued teasing the couple, "He is now boyfriend, is he? What happened to being friends? He is very cute though, Raymond. Look at you both blushing like teenagers. How did you both meet? TELL ME EVERYTHING!!!". 

All the blood in Kevin's body rushed to his face. He was a very sexy colour of red, Raymond thought. 

"I don't think it is any of your business Debbie. Now pray tell me, what issue was so important that it negated the use of phone and had to be told in person." 

Debbie sat on the couch with a heave, next to Kevin. She took in a deep breath and the waterworks started. 

"Ray-Ray, my boyfriend Jeremy, broke up with me on the phone. It was going to be our one year anniversary in two weeks. What I am supposed to do Raymond?" 

Both Kevin and Raymond were getting uncomfortable by the minute. Kevin, because he was a part of an intimate family issue, and was partially sitting on his boyfriend's lap and Raymond, because he had no clue how to deal with this. 

Kevin was the first person to clear his throat. "Raymond, I believe Miss Debbie needs your assistance. I will make breakfast while you help her out of her crisis." He turned to Debbie, "Miss Debbie, I hope you are amiable to pancakes." 

"Oh Kev, stop calling me Miss Debbie, makes me feel old. Call me Debs or Debbie. I do like pancakes. Thank you."

Kevin went into the kitchen to start with the preparations. 

Raymond stared at the retreating figure helplessly, thinking about who would remkve him from this crisis. If Kevin followed the proper protocol for pancake making it would take him about fifteen minutes to make them. He hoped Kevin followed the proper protocol. He had to make conversation for 900 seconds. Quelle horreur!

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Kevin went into Raymond's bedroom first, changed into his clothes and went to prepare pancakes for Debbie and Raymond. He was surprised by easily Debbie included Kevin in her conversations. She didn't scowl at him, insulted him or hurl abuses at him, she had accepted him wholeheartedly and if it were not for Raymond interference, she would have heartily conducted a conversation with him. 

He mixed up the batter and made four fluffy pancakes for Debbie and Raymond. He decided to make a sort-of smile with banana slices on Debbie's pancakes as she was in distress at her boyfriend's abrupt withdrawal from the relationship. Raymond had orange juice in his refrigerator. Transferring those contents into a jug, and placing the plates on a disused breakfast tray, he went to the living room.

The sight he met in the living room made him chuckle. Raymond had placed his head in his arms as Debbie continued ranting about her boyfriend. When Raymond looked up at him, he was almost in tears. 

Kevin placed the tray and jug gently on the table. Kevin didn't know whom to give the smile faced pancakes as it seemed like both needed it. But he stuck to his original plan and gave those pancakes to Debbie and the other plate to Raymond. 

Debbie smiled her first smile in fifteen minutes as she looked down at her plate. "He is quite the domestic worker, huh, Ray? Lucky you."

Kevin blushed. Raymond gave a small smile to him, grateful that Kevin had stopped her ranting and made her smile, even if it was for a little while, because Debbie had turned to Kevin, "Ray-Ray is not doing anything. He is not even listening to me properly. Come sit here", patting the cushion next to her. 

Kevin looked at Raymond asking for his approval to sit next to his sister, Raymond nodded slightly and had an amused expression on his face. 

She took Kevin's hands in hers and started saying the same things she had told Raymond fifteen minutes back. Kevin listened to her patiently and then started hesitantly, not knowing whether his input would be appreciated or not,"Miss Debbie-she gave him a pointed look and he corrected himself-"Debbie, I have known Raymond for quite some time and since you are his sister, I know that you are also kind, caring, considerate and possess the same amount of integrity that he does. So if anything, I think you got the better end of the deal there. You deserve someone who values you and your quirks and treats you with respect. I am sure, Debbie, time will be kind and heal your wounds. For your virtues and looks, you will find a good man in no time."

Raymond was looking at Kevin in wonder, at the ease with which he was providing his sister consolation. Debbie was listening to his every word with rapt attention. By the time, Kevin had completed, she was smiling. 

However often Raymond may roll his eyes at his sister's antics, he loved her dearly. It hurt him to see her upset and it hurt him even more when he couldn't do anything to help her. But that was in the past, now he had Kevin to help him help her. 

Raymond's family, whom he loved and respected dearly comprised of his mother and his little sister. Kevin had now won the heart of fifty percent of his family and Raymond was certain that Kevin would win over the other fifty percent too. 

Raymond continued looking fondly at his boyfriend who was a genius at comforting his sister. 

Raymond didn't believe in miracles and coincidences until he had met Kevin. Now each day, he was being reminded how lucky he was to be with such a wondrous man.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> !!!!!ANGST CHAPTER ALERT!!!!
> 
> Important event for Raymond and also, Kevin.

Raymond no longer felt the need to hide the details of his love life, this majorly stemmed from the day his sister and Kevin had bonded over broken hearts and 'life making miserable' exes, but also from the Madeline fiasco.

Although Kevin had brushed off the incident, Raymond still felt terrible. He decided the only way to make amends was introduce his boyfriend to the entire world, if Kevin was fine with the idea.

There was a Police Officers' Ball organized every year by the NYPD. Even though it was intended as a fun evening outing, most police officers saw this as an opportunity to advance their respective careers and Raymond was no different. He took this year's ball as an opportunity to introduce Kevin, if he was amenable to it.

Kevin, as it turned out was perfectly amenable to attend the event and was even enthusiastic about it.

Raymond was very surprised by his response because although Kevin had come out in the open, he was still not comfortable with the idea of random strangers knowing about his sexuality. So Raymond was prepared for a negative response when he would propose his idea to Kevin.

Kevin laughed lightly when Raymond confirmed his affirmation twice. He chided him gently, "Raymond, for the last time I am saying I want to attend the Ball. I am not trying to appease you Raymond. I know better than that."

"Besides, I have several ways to make you happy, Raymond". Kevin said the last two words in a voice that heated up Raymond's face instantly.

Raymond cleared his throat, trying to hide the effect Kevin had on him and failing miserably at it. "Kevin, thank you for agreeing to come with me. The Ball will be on 25th of October. It will be a Black Tie event." Confident that his advances would be appreciated, he added, "I cannot promise to keep my hands to myself when I see you in a tuxedo, Professor", Raymond purred the word "Professor".

Now it was Kevin's turn to be flustered. His blush started from his cheeks radiating to his ears, his hairline and deep down inside his button down shirt. Raymond was pleased with himself that he still managed to make the intelligent professor completely lost for words, even after eight months and three days.

* * *

Elena was called into action once again. Kevin was becoming increasingly anxious as the Ball inched closer and with good reason. The last time he had attended a formal party was when he was 19, hosted by his parents, which lead to his early departure from the Cozner household.

Although he had agreed to attend the event rather enthusiastically, he was nervous to say the least. He used to like attending events like this in the past before it was marred by his parents. Even though he was not the most social person, he liked dressing up, following social etiquettes, the decorations and everything.

He still liked fussing about correct table manners, following the dress code, but the feelings about the last time he attended a social events lingered, making him nervous about attending the one with Raymond.

He hoped that this time it would be different. It WOULD be different. After all it was with Raymond. He had agreed to go because it was Raymond. He desperately wanted to overwrite the previous experience and he gave Raymond the authority to do that by accepting his invite.

Raymond was such a gentle and kind person. He could never hurt him. He was excited to show Kevin off to his peers but at the same time didn't want to make him uncomfortable.

Raymond would never hurt him.

"Oi lover boy, here. Daydreaming later. We have lots to do. Lots to learn. "

Kevin blushed and sputtered, "What do we have to learn?"

Elena huffed and looked at him fondly, "YOU have to learn. You are going to have your first dance. You don't want to be bad at it, do you?"

Another wave of anxiety hit Kevin. He had forgotten entirely that there was a dance involved in the entire programme. New doubts about the evening erupted in his mind. Was he a good dancer? Maybe. Was Raymond a good dancer? Definitely, that man had grace and elegance ingrained in every cell of his body. How was he going to compete with that level of excellence? Would Raymond even dance with him? Would Raymond leave him if he danced badly? What if-

Before Kevin could spiral down, Elena interrupted him as soon as she saw him looking in the distance with widened eyes.

"No time for that, Kev. Now tell me do you own a tux?"

"I do own a tuxedo." Before Elena could comment on his economic status, he added, "I ran away from the house wearing the tuxedo but it was six years ago. I am not sure whether it will fit me as I have added on a lot of weight after that day."

Elena's enthusiasm took a hit when she saw the complete nonchalance Kevin had while describing a life-changing event. But she was not going to decrease Kevin' enthusiasm. Even though he was scared as shit, he was excited a lot. It showed on his face. Raymond was changing Kevin's life for the better. She saw Kevin smiling a lot. At first, it was strange to see him smile so widely, showing all his teeth, but she got used to it as she got used to his other idiosyncrasies. She was excited for Kevin as well.

"You know, sweetie, I am not a big fan of rented wardrobe. My logic is if it is rented, it is not yours and doesn't get your personality. So, try on the tux you have, see whether we can tweak it a bit to suit your gorgeous figure."

Kevin was momentarily confused by Elena's logic. It didn't make any sense. But he knew better than to argue with her. So he took out the tuxedo from its cover and went inside the bathroom to try it on.

Elena saw Kevin take faltering steps when he stepped out of the bathroom, his cheeks tinged pink. Kevin was an extremely awkward person, he could debate eloquently and passionately all day about a missing participle in an article but ask him to list good things about him, he will suddenly fell short of words. Although Raymond was helping Kevin to raise confidence in himself, it was still less.

Kevin looked amazing in his tuxedo. The arms fell a little short in length but it highlighted Kevin's lithe figure like anything. The pants hugged his cute butt. The entire ensemble made him look more taller and more muscular than he actually was. There was just one small problem. Kevin didn't wear form fitting clothes. In fact it was the opposite of that. Baggy pants, long overflowing button downs. It was going to be a hell of task convincing him that this was the one.

But she knew it wasn't impossible. She had made him wear form fitting jeans on his date with Raymond after several assurances and threatenings, she would make him wear his tux too. Elena was an even more stubborn person than Kevin. She would wear him down if he didn't listen to her.

"Kevin, you look fantastic. Do you know thousands of women and one man would be dying to get their hands on your butt? You have no clue at all, do you, about how amazing you look."

Kevin was red as a tomato, "But Elena, this is way too tight than my regular clothes. I am not saying it is uncomfortable. It is just too tight for the likes of me. The pant is positively indecent, Elena. I can't wear this. What will Raymond think?"

Elena sat their quietly listening to him complain. When he was giving her a questioning look, she realised he was waiting for an answer. He did want to know what Raymond would think of him.  
She softly said, "Raymond would be thinking how lucky he was to be in the company of such a handsome gentleman. He would think of dancing with you, wrapping his arms around that slender waist of yours. He would be thinking of what he would do to you when you both get back to his house."

Kevin was crimson red as he imagined each scenario that Elena was describing, turning a deep shade of red at the last suggestion.

After innumerable attempts, Kevin was finally convinced to wear his tuxedo to the Ball.

* * *

**The night before the Ball**

Raymond had retired for the night after talking to Kevin. Usually Kevin's voice soothed Raymond leading to a peaceful, dreamless sleep. But today it failed to do so. Not a fault of Kevin but the fault of Raymond's mind, currently racing at 100 miles per hour. Raymond's mind was a very efficient organization as Raymond. He took pride in being able to calmly collect and put together various pieces of information together in a short time. It was one of the reasons he had a higher clear rate.

But today, his mind was spouting bits and pieces of all facets of his life. Kevin, work, peers, family all jumbled together. He had never experienced anything like this before. Even when he broke up with Friedrich, his mind presented him with a binder of their relationship and he was able to remove all traces of it from his mind.

But now he was anxious and stressed.

Tomorrow was going to be a big day in his life, maybe even Kevin's. He was going to be introducing Kevin to all of his work colleagues and bosses. It was going to be a difficult evening, getting the people to wrap their heads around the concept of people of the same sex liking and loving each other. But he was determined to try.

This was the first time he was trying to move ahead both professionally and personally.

He had successfully caught the Disco Strangler single handedly. Despite that, he was still defined by his sexuality, but not for long, he thought. He was going to make sure that people knew him as the Police Sergeant who successfully cracked a difficult case, and who happened to be gay and not a gay policeman solving some case.

Being with Kevin, had given him back the confidence, he didn't even think he had lost. Kevin showed him his worth, showed him that he was important to a lot of people. He was stuck as a Sergeant for a long time. It was time he moved ahead.

Tomorrow was going to be the most important day in his life and he just hoped that he would not mess it up, both professionally and personally. 

* * *

**The Day of the Ball**

Raymond was struck by man's beauty standing in front of him. His jaws had actually dropped as he saw his slick hair, James Bond-look alike boyfriend. He envied the suit embracing his professor. He just stood at his doorway with his mouth agape, registering how his disbelief and shock had brought out the red in Kevin's cheeks.

Kevin cleared his throat, "Raymond, can I come in?"

Raymond had been rendered speechless by the horrible, sexy man. He had no words to answer the simple question. Heck, he didn't know whether he would know his name, if anybody asked him. It was going to be a hard (pun intended) evening. He knew for certain that he would be torn, having to choose between furthering his career and ravishing Kevin. He called upon the entity that he didn't believe in to help him reach a decision.

He stuttered, "Y-Yes. Yes. Most definitely, yes."

Kevin entered his home, shy as a fawn, not quite meeting his eyes, afraid to show Raymond that he had a similar reaction to Raymond wearing a tuxedo. Raymond would have definitely noticed his overly dilated pupils, his erratically beating temporal artery, the flush on his face, had he seen Kevin's face.

Kevin was more at home in Raymond's house than he was at his. He immediately went inside the kitchen to get a glass of water because his throat had become dry all of a sudden, which Kevin refused to ponder why.

After the initial shock and surprise of looking at their respective extremely well-dressed boyfriend had subsided, they left for the Ball, but not before snogging each other senseless. They arrived at the Ball with slightly swollen red lips and extremely dilated pupils.

Kevin was officially in Raymond's world. He felt very scared and immediately went to grasp Raymond's hands, but at the last moment refrained from doing so. Raymond noticed this and brushed his fingers against Kevin, trying to tell him that if he wanted to, he could. Kevin got the message, but he was still scared so he just placed the pads of his fingers gently on Raymond's tips. Raymond instantly grasped his hands and Kevin heaved lightly, immediately. A portion of his anxiety vanished in thin air with the simple action.

That is when it hit Kevin. Raymond's presence always calmed him. So he was going to linger around him. He was going to keep his eyes on Raymond and Raymond only. See him in his element. Be proud of him. Be there for him.

A lot of the heads turned when Raymond stepped into the room, their gazes immediately drawn to their joined hands and a look of disgust appearing on their faces immediately. This would have wavered any normal human being but Police Sergeant Raymond Jacob Holt was anything but normal. He marched in with his chin held high and one hand holding a scared Kevin.

At that moment, nobody was more sexier to Kevin than Raymond. He drew his confidence from Raymond and that reflected in the way he walked. He was suddenly not looking at his shoe but the crowd ahead of them.

Raymond deftly picked up two champagne flutes from a nearby waiter, casually passing one to Kevin, as if they were in their house and not in the midst of New York's worst hypocrites.

'Their house' where did that come from? Kevin had not even professed his undying love and affection for Raymond and he was suddenly moving houses with him. It was a pleasant idea. One to be reflected upon carefully and gently and happily and in better circumstances than this.

Kevin drank his champagne with frightening speed, slightly sputtering, drawing a sneer from some of the faces. The last thing he wanted to do was embarrass Raymond and five minutes into the room he was doing just that. But Raymond remained unaffected by Kevin's actions, he patted him on his back gently and said in a quiet voice, meant to be heard only by Kevin, "Just hold my hand and I will look after you. _You_ make me happy. Nothing you do here will ever be wrong. Alright?"

Kevin gave a slight nod and that released another portion of his anxiety in the air.  
Raymond stayed with him, holding his hand helping him get acclimatized to animousity in the environment he faced every single day for three years. It was painful to see the people who tormented his Raymond. How he coped with it, Kevin didn't understand.

Kevin was grateful for Raymond's presence but he felt guilty for holding him back from socializing. He knew how important today's evening was for Raymond. He tried telling him to go talk to his seniors but Raymond wouldn't hear any of it.

For a long time, people left them all alone, until Madeline Wuntch walked towards them. Kevin tightened his grip and Raymond stiffened, also tightening his grip on Kevin. After that incident, Wuntch had reduced talking to Raymond, approaching him only when his help was required. Even the times she talked to him, she was very aggressive in her approach. Unfortunately for Raymond, they sat opposite each other, so he couldn't avoid her altogether and so had started to give her a taste of her own medicine.

"Hello Raymond. I see that you have brought your precious boyfriend to the Ball. Quite the bold move, Raymond. _Quite the bold move_."

Kevin couldn't judge from her voice whether she was genuine in her praise or being sarcastic. Since he was used to getting negative comments about his community from the society, he assumed the latter. Before he could retort, Raymond spoke up, "I do not remember asking for an opinion in this matter, Madeline. So I would ask you to refrain from making comments in the future. Should you feel like it, please go talk to a wall, I have heard that it has ears."

Kevin almost felt bad for her for being at the receiving end of his boyfriend sharp tongue and wit.

Madeline sighed, almost in disappointment, "Obviously you would say that Raymond. You are so predictable. I have come here to talk to your boyfriend, in private if you don't mind."

"Of course, I _do_ mind", snapped Raymond, then with a smirk on his face, he said, "I don't want him being sacrificed for your pagan rituals. You are forgetting that I am very fond of him."

Kevin was finding it increasingly difficult to control his laughter and the blush raising on his face. His Raymond was so, what was the term that Elena used all the time....sassy. His Raymond was so sassy.

Wuntch was nonplussed by Raymond's comments. She had the same bored expression on her face that she had started out with.  
"Oh, I am not going to eat your precious boyfriend Kevin. I just want to talk to him. Give me two minutes. You can even time it on that _stupid watch_ of yours."

Before Raymond could say anything, Kevin told him, "Go Raymond. I will be fine. I am sure Ms. Wuntch here has much more productive work than burning me at the altar. You go and talk to your colleagues. I will be fine."

Raymond looked at him in doubt, Kevin tried to bring as much confidence on his face possible trying to reassure Raymond, that he would be fine. Raymond hesitated and he left them but not before warning Madeline, "I will not tolerate any kind of misbehaviour towards Kevin. I will make your life hell if you decide to do so."

Madeline waited for Raymond to get out of earshot and said, "Kevin, I want to apologize for whatever happened that day. I didn't know Raymond was gay and it was wrong of me to assume otherwise. I don't know what Raymond has told you about me , so I am going to assume the worst. I am going to make Raymond's life hell for not trusting me enough to reveal his sexuality but remember this I will always defend him whenever people point fingers at his sexuality. I respect the hell out of him for coming out in the open like that, takes a lot of courage to do that, and I don't imagine his life has been easier since he came out. I am still mad at him but I also respect him."

Kevin stood there stand still absorbing the details he had just received. He was very confused by the nature of the relationship existing between the two, but he refused to comment on that. He was grateful that Raymond still had a well wisher in the force. Maybe it was the conviction with which she said. Maybe it was because he wanted to believe the best in people for a change. But Kevin believed every word she said.

Madeline was looking at him, expecting a response, when suddenly a portly guy, who definitely didn't look he worked with the police, approached them, more specifically, approached Kevin.

"So you are a faggot too, huh?" He asked Kevin in a matter-of-fact tone.

"I am sorry! I beg your pardon. What did you say?" Kevin almost shouted. Almost.

"You like sucking dicks, don't you?" The man was clearly enjoying seeing Kevin squirm with each and every word.

"Matt, stop it. You have had too much to drink. Just go bother someone else", snapped Wuntch, trying to steer the man away from Kevin but he wouldn't budge.

"Oh, so you are in it too, huh! You are like him, aren't you. Always thought you were frigid, you know, turning me down whenever I asked to l, you know", signing a vulgar hand moment. He continued, "Now I know why. You swing the other way. Nobody can resist this", gesturing towards his body.

Matt had drawn attention from the nearby people but nobody stepped in. He was after all the Deputy Commissioner's nephew. Even if he wasn't, they wouldn't have helped.

Raymond rushed towards Kevin when he realised he was involved in a kerfuffle. He prepared himself to yell at Madeline for causing trouble until he saw the man. All of his heart told him to shout at the man causing Kevin distress but his head was absolutely against it. He had finally gotten through one of the higher police officers in One Police Plaza, who recognised Raymond for solving the Disco Strangler case almost single handedly. The police officer promised to look into his files and had even taken his name and batch number. This was more than he expected to take away from this evening. He couldn't wait to tell the news to Kevin.

That police officer who had taken an interest in Raymond was unfortunately the Deputy Commissioner.

If all the things happened as per the DC's promise, he would be skipping three steps in his 23 point plan. He would move three steps closer to his dream.

Kevin and Wuntch visibly relaxed when they saw Raymond arrive at the scene. She had been trying her best to ward off the man but she was failing at it. He was too brash and too abusive for her and she was getting mentally exhausted by the comments hurled at both of them.

Raymond did the worst possible thing any human on the planet would do. He did not react. Not even a twitch. He stood there silently watching his eight months old relationship being shredded to pieces. He swallowed the bile rising in his throat, which gave rise to a burning sensation that wouldn't be quenched with any amount of water.

Kevin looked at Raymond with bewildered eyes. He didn't understand why his morals-upholding boyfriend stayed silent while he was being insulted. It was not just him getting insulted, it was Madeline too. Surely, that wouldn't keep Raymond from reacting. What he didn't realise that Raymond had acted on his own selfish needs for once at the most inopportune time.

If Raymond would have done anything to the DC's nephew, his chances of advancing would have dropped down to negative, but worse than that would be that he might get demoted. Raymond had worked hard to get to the place he was right now. He couldn't lose it nor lose the opportunity he had just got. He was taught to grab any chance he got with both hands but the timing couldn't have been any worse.

Wuntch, being a police officer, didn't lose any time, when help was not offered. She kept fighting. Matt had moved his target from Wuntch to Kevin. When Kevin realised it, he immediately started backing away to escape Matt's groping hands. Wuntch's strength proved to be no good in front of that perverted animal.

She shouted, "For God's sake, Raymond, do something." Raymond stood there still as a statue. Not moving a muscle.

Wuntch had finally managed to break Raymond out of his stupor. While Raymond's brain was scrambling to come up with a plan, Matt was walking towards Kevin, looking at him like a predator looks at its prey.

Kevin hit a wall as he was backing away from Matt. He panicked and flailed his arms out to find something, anything to defend himself, but nothing came. Instead, a surge of adrenaline flowed through his body and the flailing hands curled themselves into a fist and hit the man approaching him hard.

Matt was shaken up by the suddenness of the punch. He had not seen it coming. Hell, Kevin hadn't seen it coming. But before Matt could retaliate to the punch, Raymond had grasped Kevin's hand and dragged him out, forcefully.

* * *

Raymond saw Kevin getting backed into the wall, that is when his brain agreed with his heart. He had to do something, before anything worse happened. He had had the best of both worlds fifteen minutes back and now it was time to try and salvage at least one of them.Then, in a moment of epiphany, his brain had come up with a solution which offered a sliver of hope, where he could still end the day having both.

He was going to cause a distraction, that being him shouting at Kevin and telling him to leave the room immediately, in front of his colleagues, especially the Deputy Commissioner. Then Kevin would be forced to leave the situation immediately because he was explicitly asked so, rendering him safe and Raymond still being open for any future opportunities, as they would feel that he had sided with them.

Never in this entire thought process did Raymond think of the implications it would have on Kevin. Neither did he know that Kevin had experienced the exact same thing before it forced him to leave his house. His brain was happy with the plan and so was Raymond. The voices of his heart were falling deaf on his ears. If he would have listened he would have realised that he had become the exact same person he had vowed not to be. He had become the Friedrich and Kevin had become the Raymond in their relationship. He had taken Kevin for granted.

Before he could follow through with his plan, he was suddenly interrupted by a soft thud followed by a cry of pain. He saw that the man in front of Kevin was clutching his jaw and Kevin looked at him with widened eyes. Kevin had hit the man.

At that moment, a flush of anger against Kevin had flooded him and he became blind with rage. Kevin had ruined his perfect plan and Kevin was ruined him.

If he would have taken one deep breath, one moment to analyse everything in front of him, he would have realised how irrational he was being but that was not happening right now.

Right now, his anger had blinded his senses and had led to him grabbing Kevin's hand rather roughly, leaving imprints of his fingers on his pale wrist.

* * *

Kevin exhaled, grateful for Raymond's hand on his own. Raymond was clutching his hand quite firmly and it had started to pain. Kevin tried to wrench his hands from the iron clad grip but to no avail. Raymond held his hand, walking few paces and then he stopped. He looked at Kevin, chocolate gaze meeting ocean blue.

Kevin was surprised by the intensity behind the gaze. He could feel, rather than see Raymond's anger. Kevin misunderstood this rage to be against the man who cornered him, when it was in fact directed against him. Kevin tried to tell him in a firm and gentle tone, "Raymond, let us leave."

The words which came out next was something Kevin thought he would hear from everyone except Raymond. " **GET. OUT. OF. THE. ROOM. KEVIN! AND LEAVE ME ALONE."**

The time stood still for Kevin. All the contents in his stomach threatened to come out. Luckily, for Kevin, Madeline was still in her senses, so she grabbed his hand and dragged him out of the room.

Kevin didn't recognize the man who had yelled at him. It was not his Raymond. His Raymond would never raise his voice against Kevin. His Raymond was warm, sweet, kind and compassionate. The man he was being dragged away from, was none of them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay in uploading chapter 10 and 11. I have my exams going on so I had neither the time nor the inclination to write further chapters. Today was the last day of one of my exams and I have a free period of a week before the next one starts. I will try completing my story as fast as possible. Fingers crossed. 
> 
> Thanks for the kudos and comments guys. They really make my day.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Angst fest continues...so so sorry..
> 
> Kevin's feelings on the entire incident.

Kevin looked like he was about to throw up. The adrenaline rush he had got from hitting the man had gradually subsided and it had left him extremely tired. He somehow managed to hold himself up, thanked Madeline for her immense support and headed towards their home. Not their house. Just Raymond's house.  
  
He couldn't believe Raymond had just did what he did.  
  
Some part of Kevin blamed himself for being at the receiving end of Raymond's outburst while the other part chided him for even thinking that.  
Why had Kevin hoped that this evening would be any different? Why had he hoped that New York people would somehow suddenly become accepting of him? Why had Kevin hoped?  
  
His mind provided just one word for all his questions. Raymond. Raymond who was kind, gentle and not a misanthrope like Kevin. Raymond, who despite being denied his rightful opportunities by society, continued to help it.  
The Raymond he left at the ball was not his Raymond at all. He had morphed into the hundreds and thousands of people who looked at any different aspect in the society with disdain. He couldn't for the life of him understand why Raymond had refused to help him and Wuntch out.  
  
The cold air hitting on his face grounded him. He had a lot of questions for Raymond and he expected him to answer each and every one of them. But for that to happen he needed to have a clear mind. So he hailed a cab and went to Raymond's house and waited.  
  
\------------------  
  
Raymond had to deal with the aftermath of Kevin's punch, which was getting tougher and tougher by the minute. Even though it was Kevin who had punched the man, Raymond's race was being dragged through dirt. Numerous people had told him that it was 'expected' behaviour seeing as Blacks are uncouth and uncivilized. A White man had created a problem and a Black was getting the blame for it. He was angry at himself for not expecting this kind of behaviour, for getting surprised by the insinuations.  
  
Raymond was exhausted, after apologizing to the Deputy Commissioner and many others hundreds and hundreds of time and begging them to not press any actions against Kevin. He had metaphorically fallen on his knees to save Kevin from getting incriminated.  
  
Raymond's fury didn't go down one bit, in fact it kept rising and rising.  
  
He was not a person who frequented pubs or bars. But tonight he was tired. The last thing he wanted to do was be with or even look at Kevin. Never had he thought that that day would come where he would rather be anywhere except near Kevin. Never had he thought that Kevin would be so selfish, think about only himself and not care about the repurcussions on others. Typical White mentality!  
  
He ended up almost drinking his body weight, oblivious to the fact that there was a man waiting for him at his house, getting more and more anxious by the minute.  
  
He left only when the bartender told him that they were going to close the establishment. He got up from his table, stumbled and almost fell over a man nearby. The man was kind enough to note that Raymond was not in his senses at the moment and would probably end up falling on the road. So he called a cab, gave him Raymond's address which he came to know from his wallet and took money from it and gave it to the driver for the trip. Of course, Raymond would remember none of it or maybe glimpses of it when he would wake up in the morning.  
  
\-----------  
  
Today was a day of bad surprises.  
  
Kevin opened the door to an inebriated Raymond. He was so drunk that he had to rely on Kevin's support to hold himself up.  
  
Kevin led him gently to the sofa and made him sit down. He had initially wanted to take him to the bedroom but looking at Raymond and then taking a look at himself he realised that it would be very hard.  
  
The familiar smell and warmth of Kevin had reignited Raymond's unfounded anger against Kevin. He clasped Kevin's hands in the same way he had held him at the Ball. Same force causing the same imprints at the same place. This sudden hold caused Kevin to bend forwards making him, literally come face to face with Raymond.  
  
Raymond hissed, " _You are a selfish man, Kevin. You have ruined my life. My life would have been easier without you in it._ " Each and every word spoken was filled with poison, intending to cause severe hurt to person hearing it. The grip on Kevin's hand loosened with the final word and caused him to stumble backwards. It was more the words and less the grip which caused it. Kevin took a step backwards assessing the vile, cruel man in front of him.  
  
He had no words. Even if he had, his throat wouldn't have allowed it. The thickened air around his throat slowly moved down below to his chest making breathing a laborous process. The air around him had become cold, hampering his respiration. It took Kevin several minutes to take hold of his breathing and bring it back to normal. The only thought doing that was he could not afford to have a panic attack here in this room, at this time, in front of this man.  
  
Kevin stilled himself. He put on the mask of indifference that he had abandoned eight months back. He had become Kevin Cozner, the robot man. The only sign that showed he was affected was the way his eyes glittered, only he knew that it was tears that he was forcing to go back where they came from, forcing them to never ever see the light of day.  
  
He had bared his soul and he was facing the troubles caused by it. Not anymore. He learnt his lesson. Learnt never to be vulnerable, never to trust and never to fall in love.  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry guys that I haven't been updating lately. I do intend to finish the story but the path is too long. I am also experiencing a block that is hindering my ability to write.Thanks for baring with me. Thanks for the kudos and your kind comments. Some days it is the only thing that motivates me to write. 
> 
> P.S. I am in search of a Beta reader. If any of you would like to do that, please tell me in the comment section..
> 
> Thanks again guys!!! Happy reading!!


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Raymond wakes up to something....

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So so sorry guys. I know the time between updates is far too long, but please bear with me. Thank you everyone for giving me kudos, comments and for just continuing to read it. 
> 
> Kudos to you all 😘😘😘
> 
> Happy reading!!!

Raymond woke up all of a sudden. He sat up straight and a sharp pain shot through his neck due to his bad posture. _(That is why you should always sleep straight Raymond, his brain advised him.)_ He had a throbbing headache which was threatening to blow up his mind to pieces.

It took a while for his eyes to get adjusted to the surroundings and they came to a conclusion that he was in his house, on his couch, still in his tuxedo. ( _Preposterous! His brain screamed at him for his erratic behaviour_.)

He got up, still wobbly from all the drinks he had consumed the previous night ( _Never drink Charbonnay, Raymond, never_ ) and proceeded to the kitchen. He opened the medicine cabinet and took paracetamol, hoping to allivieate his headache. The water he drank was the most soothing drink he had ever drunk. The coolness of it tried to bring some semblance to Raymond's confused state of mind.

He went to take a shower in the hope that he would get more of the soothing liquid to touch him.

The water was truly therapeutic. The warmness of it seeped into his body, removing all the knots and kinks he had. It was helping Raymond every passing minute to come back from the chaos that he was in.

As he spend more and more time in the shower, he became more and more aware of what had happened. The last thing he remembered was going into the bar and ordering the strongest drink the bartender had (i _t was charbonnay, by the wa_ y). There were so many gaps in his memory. He didn't know how he landed up in his house, on his couch.

He was hurriedly trying to finish off his shower as the events of yesterday night hit him. He had committed a huge mistake. Of unsurmountable proportions. He remembered him turning into a power hungry monster and unleashing that beast onto poor, gentle Kevin.

He had massively messed up, as his co-workers would say, totally 'screwed' up.

There was no excuse for his behaviour except that he was a selfish bastard. ( _Profanity! Raymond, really?_ ) All his morals had flushed down the drain when he heard about the Deputy Commissioner's offer to move him to a better precinct and give him a better post.

Yesterday, at the ball he had he failed as a police officer. He had vowed to protect civilians from miscreants and he had failed to do so. He had left Kevin to fend for himself in front of all those judgemental hypocrites. Every word he spoke yesterday to Kevin at the ball hit him squarely in the chest, each word causing tremendous pain.

He stepped out of the shower and the cool air in the room hit him. That was when it hit him. He had become the person he had vowed he would never be. Taking his partner for granted. He felt ashamed of himself. He knew how it felt because he had always been the person getting used. A new wave of nausea washed him as he digested that fact.

He got ready immediately, as he planned to head over to Kevin's house, begging him for his forgiveness. He hoped he would be forgiven. As he reached the living room, he saw a piece of paper stuck to the top of the table, next to the couch. He hadn't seen this when he had got up, owing to his groggy state of mind.

The note was kept under the New Yorker magazine. As he took the note, he noticed Kevin's handwriting, a fond smile graced his face. His elegant scrawl written in black ink. His heart dropped as he read the contents of the letter.

\--------

_Respected Police_ _Sergeant Raymond Holt,_

_In lieu of current events and revelation, I truly and firmly believe that we shouldn't be in correspondence of each other, seeing as I am a hinderance to the progression of your career._

_My deepest apologies for the same._

_I will no longer bother you and I politely ask you to do the same for me too._

_Please refrain from using any methods of communication with me as I would no longer be responding to it._

_My very best wishes for your future._

_Sincerely,_

_Kevin M. Cozner_

\--------


	14. Chapter 14- Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kevin's past 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, so sorry for such a late update. I am not going to make any excuses for such a late update. I am truly and genuinely sorry.
> 
> The last chapter was ages ago, and it is quite possible that you might have forgotten and to spare you the trouble of going back to read the chapters again. Here is a brief summary.
> 
> Kevin and Holt had some initial trouble starting their relationship but ultimately they got past it and were having a good time. Until a drunken slur of words from Holt to Kevin, after a particularly trying event becomes the cause for their breakup. 
> 
> P.S. it will remain angsty for 2 or 3 more chapters before becoming happy again. So please bear with me.
> 
> Happy reading!!

Kevin was still in his tuxedo, 4 hours after coming from Raymond's house. He was still in a daze. All of his movements from Raymond's house to his were purely mechanical, his voice calling a taxi, his hands opening the wallet and paying the cabbie more than the actual cost, his legs carrying him up the stairs and making him sit on the couch.

The only thing on his mind were the words ' _My life would have been easier without you in it. '_

The words kept repeating themselves over and over until they were the only things he heard. 

Those words, those vile words had brought back so many unpleasant memories that had stayed in the darkest recesses, never seeing the light until yesterday. 

And, then suddenly out of the blue, Kevin was forced to be a spectator of the tragedy that was his life. His childhood, his parents, his brother, the streets on which he lived for a week, the taunts he faced until today, everything flashed in front of him.

  


* * *

**1970-1979**

  


He had always been different. Where 10 year olds preferred frolicking under the sun, rolling around in the mud, Kevin preferred reading a book under the quiet shade of the big oak tree in their garden. Despite its huge size, it remained hidden by the grandiose and pompous house of the Cozner. 

In time, it would become his home away from home- a place he could call his own and live the life he wanted to, even if it was just for a few hours. It was the place he first realised he was truly different from his peers- he was gay. It was also the place where he had his first ever kiss. 

The Cozners were very scientifically inclined people. So when little Kevin had picked up a Greek poetry book instead of an Encyclopedia, his parents' heart had almost stopped. Try as they may, they couldn't shake his love for art and literature and they had to let him continue reading. But that didn't stop them from passing snide comments at Kevin, almost declaring him mentally challenged. But every taunt, every insult just strengthened his love for the literary arts.

  


**The first time he was shunned--**

was when he came out to his parents. Apart from the beatings his father had given him, his father had made sure to burn all of Kevin's books, because Michael II Cozner believed that they made his son  _ 'gay' _ . The next day when Kevin had woken up exhausted from the previous night's events he was immediately thrust a book on Engineering and Instruments.

_ Why are you like this Kevin? What sins did we do in our past life to get a son like you?" _

He was 15.    
  


But the more they refused to accept his sexuality, the more rebellious Kevin had become and the trunk of the oak tree was his confidant. A hole in the trunk was initially made for the purpose of protecting all his favourite text books from his father's wrath but it gradually became the place where Kevin would hide his Erotica. His magazines. A stash of filtered cigarettes. And anything that his parents disapproved of. It still remains hidden except from his younger brother, Marcus. But not in the tree. But in a box on the last shelf of Kevin's wardrobe, covered by his clothes. 

  


**The second time he was shunned--**

was when they decided to send him to a conversion camp as they thought he had a "disease " which could be cured. " 

_ "This is to stop you from bringing disgrace to the family, Kevin." _

He was 16. 

  


**The third time he got shunned** \--

was the final straw. His parents were organizing a formal " _ charity _ " event at their house. It was going to be attended by some of the big shots of the construction industry and Kevin and Marcus were told to put on their best clothes and be on their best behaviour. 

The decorations were starting to be put up a month before the event. Some of the rooms were widened, the grasses pruned, the trees in the trimmed ( thankfully, no one touched his oak tree), the floors polished and so on. Kevin was not particularly fond of the hustle bustle happening but it ensured that his parents were off his back, focussing on the event. So he was mildly pleased. 

He got back to his reading of  _ Iliad _ . It reminded him of Peter. 

  


**6 months back--**

Kevin was sure there was a relationship between Patroclus and Achilles, but when he shared his point of view with the class, the professor and the class scoffed at him. 

_ Clearly, they were just guys being dudes, Kevin. _ His professor said derisively. All of them laughed at him, except one. Peter. 

Peter approached him after the class was over. 

"You were really brave back there. I had the same thought but I was too scared to voice it. Man! You were awesome."

Kevin blushed at the compliment directed at him. He looked at the blue eyed lanky boy in front of him. He seemed genuine with his compliments, but Kevin wasn't feeling so sure. People never complimented him, they either tolerated him or they told him off. He tried to brush it off but Peter wouldn't hear a word of it and gradually, there developed a friendship between them. Kevin waited for the day when Peter would get tired of his company, like everybody else, but that day didn't seem to be coming. 

Instead, one summer morning, Peter came running towards him, calling out his name-  **"KEVIN! KEVIN!!"** Kevin turned around to find an out of breath Peter- on his knees- huffing and asking him out in one breath. And that was how it began- Kevin and Peter. 

Peter was the complete opposite of Kevin. Where Kevin was quiet, Peter was boisterous, causing chaos. Everybody was his friend and everybody liked him. But he liked only Kevin. He was constantly amazed by the knowledge Kevin had amassed. And he never failed to show it. 

Kevin was happy after a long time. He was smiling more, he was talking to people more, everything was good. 

The best part about being in a relationship with Peter was the amount of poems he wrote for Kevin everyday. He loved describing Kevin's every feature in great details. Kevin would turn a deep shade of red after reading his poems. Sometimes due to the graphic depictions of him and sometimes due to the amount of love he was being given. 

Kevin would come home from his college with flushed cheeks, beaming with joy. Marcus loved the new change in his big brother, but couldn't understand what contributed to the change. And so the curious soul that he was, he continuously pestered Kevin to tell him what was keeping him so happy.    
  


Marcus was 12 and to him, his brother was everything. Kevin would always read him stories, poems, tell him about his days. Marcus had to forcefully keep his eyes open because Kevin's voice soothed him to sleep, five minutes into the conversation. As he grew older, he became more adept at staying awake and the conversations with Kevin would be the best part of his day. 

He was 9 when Kevin had been hit. His parents had left an unconscious Kevin on the floor and he had no clue what to do and why his father had been this reactive. He sat next to Kevin crying, pleading him to wake up when his father came and angrily told him to go to his room. 

That incident remained imprinted in his mind. He never understood his father's outburst and was too scared to ask anyone- scared that he might be served with the same treatment- until one day, when he was 10, he finally gained the courage to ask him why. 

Kevin didn't say anything to him and simply took his hand and led him to the oak tree in their garden. He made him sit down and took both of his hands in his and explained to him. Kevin burst into tears when Marcus innocently said, "But I don't understand why father should have a problem with who you like. I don't see any. Please tell me Kevin, why does father have a problem with that?"

Kevin answered him by hugging him tightly, tears drenching Marcus' shirt. 

Then they had Kevin sent to a conversion camp when he was 10, Kevin returned changed. Although his parents were happy with it, he was not. Kevin was a quiet boy, Marcus knew that, but the quietness that had come after he returned was different. It was cold. It was sad. He didn't like it. Kevin gradually reduced the frequency of their night time conversations- rather opting to stay awake looking at the ceiling or sitting by the window looking at the stars. Marcus knew that Kevin wouldn't appreciate his company and respectfully gave him his space. 

He longed for Kevin's soothing voice but couldn't find strength in himself to ask for it. 

Then Kevin had started going to college and they reduced it even more. Sometimes when Marcus would wander past the oak tree, he would find Kevin deeply buried in a book, a small smile on his face- reminding of the happy brother he had. He would want to go and talk to him but those smiles were rare and he didn't have the heart to disturb him.

Then three months into Kevin's second year, he would find him smiling more. He was slowly turning into the big brother Marcus always knew and cherished. 

Now Marcus couldn't contain his curiosity and he  _ had _ to ask him. So he made his task in life to ask him what made him smile every night. He was nothing but persistent and Kevin finally folded after one month of incessant interrogation. 

  


"Marcus, promise me you won't tell this to anybody. Particularly mother and father."

Marcus was excited, he liked a good secret. He nodded furiously, as if somehow that would show Kevin that he can trust him with his secret. 

Kevin started, his voice wavering, " I am dating a a boy from my class." He stopped and looked at Marcus, expecting resistance but he was silent. 

"IS THAT IT? YOU ARE GOING TO STOP AT THAT! _TELL ME MORE!"_

Kevin was happy beyond words that his brother was so accepting of him. He was so proud of him. He now knew that his brother would turn out to be a good man. 

He was blushing the entire time he was telling about Peter. He left some of the adult related content but he told his brother almost everything there was to say about Peter. 

Marcus was very happy that there was someone in Kevin's life that cared about him. Loved him and took care of him. He was happy to get his brother back. 

Their night conversations resumed once again. 

  


One night, Marcus asked Kevin if he would ever tell his parents about Peter, he didn't know that Kevin was hiding his homosexuality. Kevin was silent for a long time and Marcus thought he was angry with him. Before he could apologize, Kevin spoke. In a voice so soft that it would have remained unheard had they not been having a talk 30 seconds ago. 

"Marcus, mother and father do not know I am gay. They think I am normal. Heterosexual. If they came to know about Peter, they would stop me from going to college and I want to continue studying." 

He paused, gathering his thoughts and spoke in the same soft tone but this time a bit firm. "I want to get a doctorate in Greek Mythology, Marcus." 

"Do you know why I am here instead of Columbia or Harvard, despite having the marks for it ?"

Marcus shook his head. He was shocked to know that his brother had gotten into one of the Ivy League universities, but he didn't let it show it on his face. 

"Father put down the condition that either I stay here and do Liberal Arts or move to another city and do Medical Sciences."

Marcus was shook. His brother was so intelligent, he had worked so hard but yet he was not allowed to reap his rewards. How could his father have the heart to do such a thing? 

  


**Summer of 1979--**

Summer came and Kevin for the first time hated it. He was usually excited for it because he could catch up on some  _ 'light' _ reading, enjoy the scenery, maybe catch up on some gardening techniques from the gardener when his mother was not paying attention to him. But this time it was different. This summer meant that he had to spend his time away from Peter.

The only essence of Peter with him would be the innumerable poems he had written for Kevin. Kevin had never felt so loved, so at ease with himself before Peter came in his life. 

The man was beautiful beyond words. His hair the colour of the darkest chocolate available on the planet. His eyes. Oh God, his eyes, Kevin had never seen anything like it. It exhibited a spectrum of colours from the greenest blue to the bluest green. His lips were the softest things he had experienced. His lips fit just perfectly--

He hadn't realised his eyes were closed and he was wearing the sappiest smile on his face, until he heard the interruption. 

He looked up, and his smile withered when he saw the person interrupting his thoughts. 

"Kevin, your father and I are going to host The Architects Association's Charity Event on 28 of this month. We are expecting you to be on your best behaviour. You will be courteous and polite to each and every person in the room. Do you understand?" 

Kevin looked at his mother and nodded slightly. Marilyn satisfied with his response, turned around and left him to his books. 

Now that his mood was spoiled, he got up and went to the rose bushes that he was secretly nurturing. The roses were the ones which got to hear his woes, his joys and everything. In this grandiose place, when he felt nothing was his own, those roses proved him wrong. They told him in their own way that they appreciated his nurturing and care. They would bloom. 

After tending to the plants, he proceeded towards the house. He had to cross the mailbox to go to his house, so when he saw the letters in them he collected it, when suddenly he saw his name on one of the letters. His heart jumped at the familiar scrawl. It was from Peter. He pocketed the letter and laid the others on their living room table and walked to his room slightly faster than he would have liked. 

His heart was beating out of his chest. He could feel every beat, every pulse quivering through his arteries. He feared he would pass out by the simple action of removing the letter from its envelope. But nevertheless, he carried on and there it was. The familiar expressions of love and affection. He was scared, happy, excited, anxious, all at the same time. Never had he experienced such an array of emotions. His knees buckled and he was forced to sit down. Never had he been worth someone's time that they would write a letter to him. Now he was. 

He didn't know what that meant. 

For a long time, he just sat there, processing what was happening in his life. But still he had no answers. 

He had read the letter 32 times before deciding to formulate a response and he read it 32 times more when he actually started writing it.

The task of posting the letter was a secret mission altogether. Marcus helped. He promised Kevin to post the letter without opening it to read. Kevin had no choice but to trust him. 

The next two weeks passed by, better than what Kevin had expected. He and Peter had corresponded a total of twelve times, six letters from each. The continued correspondence didn't tamper the adrenaline rush he had gotten the first time he saw Peter's letter in the mailbox. 

Marcus played a huge role in ensuring they had smooth communication. He would post Kevin's letters and would surreptitiously pass Peter's letters to Kevin whenever he saw them in the mailbox. 

This summer was good. He had caught up on his _'light_ _reading'_ ( 863 pages _was not_ heavy reading). He had a new tuxedo and matching oxfords in his wardrobe. His roses were blooming beautifully. But more importantly, he enjoyed being in love and being loved. 


	15. Chapter 14- Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kevin's past- 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another update woohoo!!! So proud of myself for writing the chapter this quickly. 
> 
> Anyways million thanks to my bestest friend  
> amyandjake4ever, for helping me with the plotline. 
> 
> Happy reading guys!!

**The day of the event-**

Marcus, as was his routine everyday, went to take out the mail from the mailbox, and found that it was empty. His father had taken the mail while coming home from work. Unaware of the contents in his father's hand at the moment, he went inside to get dressed up for the charity that was going to take place in the evening.

* * *

Michael II had several letters addressed to him and only one was addressed to Kevin. It was from some Peter Smith. Disregarding Kevin's privacy he opened the envelope and found a blue hued feather and a haphazardly folded letter. The Peter Smith man sure didn't know how to use stationery, he thought.

The contents of the letter were rather vulgar and descriptive. Every sentence in that letter compared Kevin's anatomy with that of the feather- his blue eyes, his soft skin and some other parts which he would rather not think. Every word left Michael II fuming with anger. The anger was further exacerbated by words " _Your loving lover, Peter"._

This was the last thing he needed tonight. Despite the severe surveillance, Kevin had managed to indulge in perversion. This was the last straw. Never again.

The guests were slowly trickling into the Cozner's household. Wearing a stoic and proud expression on his face, he went past the guests with a promise to join them later to find his sinful and perverted son.

" Marcus, where is your brother?"

"Father he is in his room studying for his exams. Do I need to call him down? Mother said he could- "

Michael had already stormed up the stairs and caught hold of the handle and wrenched the door open.

Kevin looked up from his book at the sudden and loud intrusion.

" Can I help you father?"

" _You tell me_!" He threw Peter's letter on Kevin's bed. The feather flew and landed on Kevin's book. All the colour fled from his face as he saw the small scrawlings on the letter.

Before he could explain, a punch landed on his face. Another punch and he landed on the floor, clutching his stomach. Then all Kevin could see were flashes of white and black. His father burned the letter in front of him, leaving him on the floor with a broken spirit, gasping for breath. The burnt smell of paper filled up the room, aggravating Kevin's breathlessness.

* * *

Marcus was hiding behind a curtain waiting for his father to come out.

His mother had sent him up to fetch his father and brother, but upon hearing a thud and some pained noises, he had elected to stay behind it- scared to face his father's wrath.

His father came out of the room, 5 minutes later, adjusting his bow tie and the cuffs of his sleeves, clenched and unclenched his fists, headed downstairs.

Marcus walked quietly into his room and saw a smoke filled room and a gasping Kevin. He was clutching his throat, trying to get up to reach his inhaler.

Marcus immediately rushed inside and took out the inhaler and placed it in his brother's mouth. The gasping reduced after 2 or 3 puffs and all that was left was a sobbing broken Kevin. Marcus took a pillow from his side of the bed and placed it behind Kevin and waited for him.

Several minutes later, Kevin spoke up. Marcus had never heard such a fragile, vulnerable voice from anyone and certainly not his big brother.

" Marcus, please, can you help me?"

Marcus wrapped an arm around the thin shoulders, " Kevin, you know I would do anything for you. You only have to ask."

Kevin took Marcus' hand on his shoulder, clutched it and broke down once more. Fearing another asthma attack, Marcus tried to calm his brother down.

"Kevin, come on, deep breaths. 1,2, 3 inhale, hold and exhale. Come on." He breathed with Kevin, hoping that he would follow his rhythm and soon the breaths became regular.

"Marcus, you are my only hope. I know I shouldn't ask you this. Shouldn't get you involved. I am such a terrible brother. I can't even-"

Before Kevin could spiral down, Marcus turned to face Kevin and held both of his shoulders in his hands, " Don't you ever say that. You are the best brother anybody can ever ask for. You have done so much for me and I want to do the same for you."

" Please trust me Kevin", Marcus begged, trying to project as much sincerity and love and affection into those words as possible.

Something in Marcus' words gave Kevin the strength that he had wished he had for a long time. He opened up the bottom shelf of his wardrobe and took out an old leather rucksack. Filled it with some clothes and turned to him, "Marcus, will you take your bicycle to the post office, at the end of the street, and wait for me? I will meet you there in 10 minutes. Will you do that for me?"

Marcus nodded enthusiastically, albeit a bit confused. He trusted his brother enough to jump blindly from a cliff, as he would have calculated the height, the speed, the acceleration and everything.

He had no trouble following his brother's instructions. The " _charity_ " ball was taking place in the ballroom and nobody paid attention to a dapper young ginger boy running to the entrance.

He took the cycle from his shed and cycled as fast as he can to the post office and waited.

* * *

Kevin had exactly 4 experiences of jumping down from the balcony, to meet Peter in the middle of the night. They both had missed touching each other, kissing fervently, and had mutually decided one day that they would meet under the oak tree at a pre decided time.

So after all the lights in the Cozner household had been switched off, Kevin climbed down the ladder next to his window, kept for the purposes of cleaning the chimney and softly walked to his favorite tree.

Peter was already waiting there, with a blinding smile and a rose in his hand. Kevin had thought of himself as above all corny acts of affection but Peter happened and everything broke loose.

Kevin blushed furiously, thankful for the night hiding his blush, but Peter caught it in the brief moment when the moon came out of the clouds, only to be hidden by them again.

"Oh my lovely darling, is he blushing?"

Kevin continued to blush.

Peter took Kevin in his arms and started punctuating his every word with a kiss on his face. "I. Missed. You. So. Much."

After the initial ministrations, they sat down, taking the support of the trunk and just talked and played with each other's hands, fingers, face, whatever they could lay hands upon. They kissed without a care. Without fear of judgement. Without fear of persecution. With all the freedom they could muster.

The next two times the playing had developed into something more mature. The second time their hands wandered down, shyly seeking consent to bring more joy, more pleasure.

The third time the consent was given and the hands were inside the other's waistband. Kevin had never experienced anything that profound, anything that joyous as he experienced that night. Peter took him places where he hadn't even dared to venture.

Kevin was falling deeper and deeper in love with Peter.

The fourth time was that day. He didn't even bother changing out of his tuxedo. He climbed down the ladder carefully, the initial panic and distress replaced by a rush of adrenaline. He landed softly on the grass and ran towards the oak tree. He emptied out all its contents in the rucksack and proceeded to head towards the post office.

The rucksack had few of his clothes, his books, hus inhaler and all of Peter's letters.

He walked resolutely towards post office, hoping against all hope that Marcus had not been caught. He saw Marcus waiting for him and immediately broke out into a run.

"Marcus." He exhaled with relief. This might be the last time he would see him, so he hugged him- hugged him tightly trying to show him his gratitude, his pride, his love in it.

Marcus, unused to physical acts of affection from Kevin, was taken aback for a moment, but he immediately hugged his brother back.

Kevin couldn't dare to see his little brother's face when he would tell him about his decision, so he continued hugging him and whispered in his ear, "I am leaving home Marcus."

He continued to hold on to him when Marcus tried to push back. " Please Marcus. I don't have the courage to look at your face. So please just let me do it this way."

"I am tired Marcus of everything and everyone in the house. You are the only one that made me want to stay in the house. But I am tired of it now, Marcus. I don't have the strength in me anymore to bear anymore violence or taunts from mother and father. I really don't. So I have to go."

Kevin felt a dam well up behind his eyes. He had to complete this before it burst, because otherwise it would render him weak. Extremely weak.

" I have to go Marcus. This is for my own peace and for our parents' peace. They would be much happier if I went away, and that is exactly what I am doing."

"Please don't think that any of this is your fault Marcus. Please don't blame yourself. You have been everything that I have ever wanted and more. I cannot be anymore proud of you than I am right now. You have a good heart, never forget that. "

He extracted himself from their hug and looked at Marcus. Tears were running freely down his face. Kevin brushed them away with his handkerchief and flashed a teary smile.

"Be brave for me Marcus. I want you to achieve everything you set your eyes on."

Marcus sniffled and asked him, "Where will you go Kevin? Will you write to me? "

Kevin held Marcus' face in his hands and tried to be as truthful as possible, " I don't know Marcus. Maybe Peter's house, if he takes me in. Maybe the college. Anywhere except here. I can't promise that I would be able to write you very often but I will try as hard as I can."

This was enough for Marcus. He planted a small kiss on his brother's cheek and caught his hand in both of his, " Take care Kevin. Please be safe."

Afraid to stay anymore longer, Kevin took Marcus' bicycle and pedalled away, not having an ounce of courage to look back at his sobbing brother.

Marcus stood there watching the silhouette of his brother disappearing into the darkness.

He would be good for his brother. He would make him proud.

**Author's Note:**

> Please comment upon the story. Leave kudos if you like it. This is my first big story with numerous chapters in it. If you have any writing advice please tell me in the comments or on my tumblr account. 
> 
> If you want to talk about Brooklyn 99 at any point of the day, just message me and be assured to get an immediate reply because after all it is NINE NINE!!!!!!
> 
> Tumblr account: @dancezwithwolvez   
> https://www.tumblr.com/search/Dancezwithwolvez
> 
> P.S..i am very bad at tagging and linking stuff.


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